


Difficult Directions

by Kaoz



Series: Phade [2]
Category: Angel: the Series
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-11-01
Updated: 2006-10-31
Packaged: 2017-10-19 10:09:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 28,188
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/199696
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kaoz/pseuds/Kaoz
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>#2  Settling in shouldn’t be this difficult but then I never had to deal with demons, vampires, and God only knows what else is coming…</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Cleaning Up

**_Phade's finally settling in to AI's routine though not too happy about it she's grateful other things have finally been worked out, like where she's going to live. I wonder if they'll ever get the Hyperion full? Oh, wait… that's another story._ **

**««««« »»»»»»**

Angel was as good as his word and we had worked something out. A very cheap rent and all the help I wanted to get the suite in order.

"Who can say 'No' to free labor?"

At least I had gotten the place cleaned up and the bathrooms painted. Every one else was in the living room getting it painted, except for Cordelia. The princess had better things to do with her time than get her hands dirty.

I shook my head and smiled. Having her here would've been torture for me. I still wanted to kick her ass.

"Stupid rug!" I grunted. I had decided since I was the one who was going to live in this suite I should get rid of the rugs. I just hadn't counted on it being stuck. It was dusty, dirty, stained and some spots looked moldy. There was no way I was going to try steam cleaning it.

"I hate rugs!" With a final tug the rug pulled up and I got a good look at what was underneath.

"Shit." Some idiot had thought it was a good idea to add a spongy layer beneath.

"Ahhh…" I groaned and straightened letting it fall. Almost half of it had come up but now I had this other layer to deal with. I glanced over my shoulder wanting to call the men for help and changed my mind. I didn't want them to grumble about this more than they probably did already. I mean, really, who wants to spend their Saturday fixing up someone else's apartment when they could be off doing who knows what?

"Fuck it. I can do this shit." I grabbed it once more and began the tug of war with the rug and foam.

"Yes-I-can." After the first few tugs it came up pretty easily and then I got to the door.

"Aww, screw this!" I dropped the handful of rug and rested my hands on my hips. I swear sometimes _I_ even wonder if I'm a blond. How could I not have noticed the rug in the bedroom was attached to the one in the living room?

"Knife. I need a knife." I looked around the floor for one and had to go towards the kitchen. I had seen a box cutter around but I wasn't sure where it was. There was nothing on the kitchen counter or floor and I noticed this was still dirty.

 _As soon as the paint dries in the other rooms I'll have to get started here. Maybe a pale green and a tile border around the counter…?_

I looked in the pantry just because and saw it laying on the floor.

"Aha!" I bent down to get it and rested my hand against the wall to get up again. I know, laziness and all but hey! Working here, you know, cleaning and painting isn't easy labor. Well, maybe a little lighter than other stuff. Point is, I got an idea just looking at the wall.

 _Sebastián's bathroom is on the other side of this wall and I f I remember correctly the tub is on this side which means the pipes would be just down here…_

I grabbed up the hammer that was in the bucket next to the door and began to tap on the wall. The sound definitely changed on the fourth tap. I'd hit a beam which meant the next tap would be hollow and that's where I'd punch a hole.

"What are you doing!"

"Jesus! Would you make some noise before sneaking up on people?" I said. He'd made me jump and now he took the hammer from me.

"What's going on?" Gunn stepped up behind Wesley and tried to look in. I hadn't noticed that they were both almost the same height though Wesley was just a bit taller.

"She's tearing down the wall!" Wesley exclaimed.

"Oh, quit being over-dramatic." I said puling the hammer out of his hands and hitting the wall again. "If I can make a big enough hole to expose the pipes I can connect a washer and dryer in here." I looked up at them really trying to hold in my enthusiasm. Wesley still looked at me as though I had desecrated one of his musty old books, though they were interesting.

 _I'll have to get in his good graces to get him to let me borrow one and teach me to read it._

Gunn on the other hand had this little frown on his face as he stepped around Wes. He took the hammer from me and opened the hole wider to look at the pipes.

"You know, I think I can split the pipes so you have a connection for that washer." He looked at me and I couldn't help my smile.

"Thank you." I was a little surprised he would help me after the whole 'bruise your nuts' episode. I left him there and went back to my rug, box cutter in hand.

"Alright, you're coming out, even if it is in pieces." I knelt down and cut off the piece to the bedroom then grabbed a hold of the rug. My knees were bent and I was hunched over getting ready to pull this bitch out in one move. I pushed off with my legs as hard as I could and pulled the edge of the rug.

"Aaa! Ooph!" the stupid thing hadn't been as stuck as I thought and now it lay covering half of me in its filthiness. I blew hair out of my face and looked up to find Wesley staring down at me a paintbrush in his hand. I smiled waving my fingers at him.

"I think I need to sand the floors."


	2. Coming Out

**_Phade finds out some of the secrets the others would rather hide and hopes no one finds out hers. Something Cordelia wastes no time in pointing out._ **

**«««««»»»»»»**

There really was no change in my routine except that the temp job was over and Angel had a son. Yeah, so weirded out by the sudden appearance of his very pregnant and homicidal baby's momma. Finding out Angel was a vampire sort of made sense now, why with all the broodiness. Though having a very pregnant vampire craving the blood of innocents didn't make me feel all that comfortable what with Sebastián being all innocent and conveniently available. I was still having trouble understanding how _he_ couldn't stay away from Darla even after he saw her vamp face! I swear that kid has some morbid bones in his little body…

Spending a couple of days at my sister's house hadn't seemed like such a bad idea. Though I felt relieved to be back at the Hyperion. After all, this was my home now. Nobody here thought I was crazy. Nobody made comments on my 'weirdness' because really, who were they to judge me when they were way nuttier than I. Besides, they don't _know_ me.

Funny how that feels so natural. Being in a hotel full of locos like me, maybe even worse than me. Even Cordelia seems to have mellowed out some with the arrival of Conner. I swear that baby has made her more human than even she knows. Then again I guess I'd be a bitch too if I had these blindingly painful visions sent to me.

"Can't imagine being used by the Powers That Be or anyone else like that. Even if they did get rid of the blinding pain."

"Oh, it's not 'using' if you help people." Lorne said. I snorted derisively. Yeah, he really wasn't so bad and I was sort of agreeing with Fred. The green guy had it tough what with being green and having horns…

"I don't care how you phrase it, they're still using her." I sat back in the fluffy chair he had in his suite. After the destruction of his second club Lorne had pretty much given up on the idea of re-opening a club since Angel Inc. kept blowing it up. I turned to him.

"So, you're really not going to open another club?" I asked still just a little hopeful. I'd never been to _**Caritas**_ and now there wouldn't be another chance to see a club filled with demons. I mean, where- what. Just what place would that ever exist? I'd been told demons weren't real, but I was sitting with Lorne and he sure as hell didn't deny what he was.

A demon.

He shook his head and sighed before taking another sip of his drink. This time it was some yellow mix. He'd offered me one but I declined and drank some coke. Alcohol is so not my thing. I did wonder how he never got drunk with all those drinks he kept downing throughout the day.

"I swear you're like some bottomless well, Lorne. How do you drink all those concoctions of yours and not get drunk? Ugh, I can't even stand the taste. Well, maybe but I really don't like alcohol. Especially beer." I made a yuk face and stared down at the rug.

"Bottomless…hmm." Neither of us said anything for a while, we just sat there sipping at our drinks and thought. I don't know about him but I was thinking how comfortable I was sitting there doing nothing for a girl who had no job again and not a lot of cash saved up. That was thanks to all the furniture I'd bought for my new apartment. Most of it was paid off and my credit cards were clean which meant I could use them all up again.

 _Damm. What a vicious cycle this is._

Still, I was in no hurry to go out and get another job. No, this was good, for now.

"So, what was my future like?" I looked up from under my lashes to see a small smile on Lorne's face. It wasn't the first time I'd tried to get him to tell me but he was just stubborn.

"Loosen my tongue with liquor and get your future told?" he chuckled with a shake of his head. "It was a love song. The one you sang." He asked me. It was obvious he was changing the subject but this wasn't something _I_ wanted to talk about.

I nodded thinking about it. The song was a very old love song, one I hadn't thought of or heard in a while. It was one of those things I just avoided without actually thinking about it anymore.

"What made you sing it?" Lorne asked.

I straightened up in my couch from the comfortably curled up position and set my glass on the little table. He was touching on old wounds, memories I'd rather not drag to the surface or even think about.

"It's the only one I know." Which was true. I really didn't know any songs by heart except for that one and only because it-well, it didn't matter why anymore. The past was getting harder to leave in the past. The more I spent talking to Lorne the more I told him things about me, my family but I always felt as though he already knew. He knew my future so why not my past?

"What does it mean? The song."

I stared at him a moment. What did it mean? So many things depending on who you asked. It was a love song and love was different for everyone. There were different kinds of love. My parents had been one of the examples I had always looked to, the kind of love I had hoped to have. Aunt Luc and Uncle RJ, they were amazing together… but what it meant for me was mine and I didn't want to give that to anyone else.

 **"** All the time we spent together, you and I, Made our hearts blend into one eternal sigh, As a flame that lingers on, So that after you are gone, You'll think of me. If you ever took your love away from me, I'd be happy just to have the memory That, since we've been so complete, Like a dream that must repeat, You'll think of me. I have never tried to own you. I have nothing; I leave vanity behind. But, when love comes, it's forever. For a poor fool, there can be no other kind. Many years may come and go, as time goes by. Who can say if love will last, or merely die? But, no matter how things go, There is one thing that I know: You'll think of me."

I didn't really sing it just sort of thrummed it together though I stumbled here and there with my translation. It wasn't the answer Lorne had been asking for but it was the only one I could give.

"Hmm. I think I like it better in spanish."

"Me too." I smiled faintly and just sat there. I wondered yet again what Uncle RJ and Timo were doing. How had their lives turned out and had Uncle RJ found happiness? What was Tim doing?

"You should train with Angel and Cordelia."

"Well that came out of no where." I looked up with a frown. Even though Cordelia had mellowed out towards me some what I didn't want to be in her presence more than was absolutely necessary. There was no sense in baiting a rabid dog and it was plain we didn't like each other.

"Are you kidding? We can barely be in the same room together let alone have sharp implements meant for warfare in our hands." I shook my head and laughed, not a happy giddy sound.

"She got all territorial on me when I was helping Angel with Conner and when I tried to show her how to change his diaper she went all snooty with her nose up in the air!" I shook my head. "No. Not a good idea. Not at all." I said.

"You're going to need it for what's coming." Lorne set his drink in his lap and looked at me. Really looked. For a moment I was afraid I'd never catch my breath again. Something in his demeanor definitely made my skin crawl.

"It's not the Powers That Be who sent you here, sweetie but still, you're in for some serious hurting."

I sat up uncurling my legs from under me and set my feet on the floor. That ugly feeling in the pit of my stomach was getting worse. I couldn't get rid of it, couldn't loosen the knots or ignore the trepidation. Sometimes, and this is what made me sound crazy, but sometimes I got the feeling that something bad was going to happen. Whenever that happened I didn't have long to wait for something to go wrong.

I hate that feeling.

"So, what?" I asked. "I go with Angel like a good little champion and have him teach me so I can be used against the evil monsters by the Powers That Be or some such higher being?" I stood up and began to pace. My hands clenched and I had to unclench them.

"I won't be used." No, I wouldn't. I was done with that and no matter what I would rebel. I'd done it before with my parents and yes that had caused more problems than we needed or had at the time but this was different. For one I was a grown woman who had a child to think of first and foremost. Anything and _everything_ had to be considered, so long as it didn't affect Sebastián.

"You have to understand something," Lorne sat up and waited for me to look at him and I took my sweet time doing it too. I had an idea of what he would say but when he did it just felt worse than I thought it would.

"Sacrifices _will_ be made. Difficult ones and not willingly, at first." Lorne seemed to turn inward as if he were seeing all our futures. "Its gonna hurt, bad. Just know that it _will_ get better and things will work out in the end."

I waited.

Lorne sat impassively staring at me.

"That's it? There's nothing else in my future?" I asked. I could hear the sarcasm in my voice camouflaging my trepidations about the days to come. He wasn't giving me anything I could work with. All he told me was vague enough I couldn't read between the lines.

"You should prepare for the physical pain. It's the only one you can control." Lorne got up and walked to the other room. The door closed behind him softly and it was worse than if he'd slammed it.

"What does that mean?" but there was no answer. And really, I didn't expect him to give me one.

««««« »»»»»»

Downstairs everyone was gathered around Fred and the lap top. While I was holed up in my suite checking out the new Angel Inc. website. It looked nice, good, really. For living 5yrs in Pylea Fred sure got used to using the internet and computers quickly enough. I'd swear the girl had never fallen into that portal if she hadn't told me the story.

The more time I spent with these people the more this weird demons and hell beasts seemed normal. That was just as weird but as long as I stayed away from my family this life felt more like my real life than the one I'd had before. It was almost as if coming to the Hyperion had been…planned.

"What the-? I could swear the office line was 0129." Then it occurred to me one of the brighter idiots downstairs had messed up. Curiosity got the better of me and I dialed the number. It rang three times before anyone picked up.

"Fabrizio's Pizza."

I tried not to laugh. "Herm. Um, yes. Can you say that again please?"

"Fabrizio's Pizza, what you gonna order lady?"

"Umm, sorry. I got the wrong number." I managed to hang up just before I fell over giggling.

««««« »»»»»»

Then next morning we went downstairs and found Angel giving out assignments. I waved good morning to them and ushered Sebastián to the double doors leading to the garden. I was hoping none of them would start talking about the site because I knew I wouldn't be able to hold myself in check not when it was this good.

"Oh, Hi!" Fred waved to us as she approached. "Where're you off to?"

"Aahh, back there." I pointed to the doors and at the sun shining down in the garden. Fred smiled sweetly and I knew now that it wasn't fake. She really did smile innocently at almost anything.

"Isn't it great? We just keep getting hits!" Fred said. I looked at her confused then I understood she was talking about the web site. I couldn't help my self.

"Has anyone ordered a pizza yet?"

"Ha, ha. Why don't you come down here and answer some of these calls?" Gunn walked by us carrying a stack of folders. Once he was past I leaned towards Fred.

"Someone really needs a picture of you Fred," I winked and followed Sebastián out the doors. "Before the original wears out."

Why would I stay inside when it was so nice out and I had a 7yr old boy with a day off from school.

 _Damn holidays. Why can't they ever have 'em on the weekend?_

«««««


	3. Demins, Bloodsuckers and More!

**_Surprise, surprise! Just like the title says there's a little of everything thrown in. Plus a little more considering not every one can heal as fast as a vampire._ **

**««««« »»»»»»**

They had to have taken at least 5 years off my life span. Seeing Lorne for the first time was nothing compared to what came slithering out into the garden. Sebastián ran screaming to me and when I saw what had him freaking out I joined in for a couple of screams before calming down, myself. Not that I was calm exactly but I didn't manage not to scream. The little beast was squealing loudly as well but as soon as I slapped my hand over Sebastián's mouth and stopped making noise it quit too.

It was gross!

Slimy-smelly-yellow-booger like fluids oozed from it coating the grass and forming a puddle. It opened its mouth and little feelers wormed out testing the air.

That was enough for me.

"Okay." I took Sebastián by his shoulders and pushed him towards the door. "We'll be going inside now." I didn't take my eyes off the worm and it didn't follow us.

Once inside I stopped on the steps. The entire lobby was swarming with different looking monsters!

 _What the Hell is going on here?_

I searched the lobby for the others, not bothering to look for Lorne since he would blend in too much with this crowd. Then again Cordelia and her invisible horns might stick out and sure enough I saw her sitting at the counter with a phone in her hand.

 _Seriously, the girl can't live without one._

"Aha!." I took Sebastián's hand and made my way towards her seeing Angel trying to write while holding the phone to his ear and carrying Conner. "I swear men are deficient when it comes to babies." I mumbled.

"Huh?" Sebastián looked up at me. He had the cutest look of confusion, all fake of course.

"Deficient." I said. We stopped just behind Angel and I tapped his shoulder. When he turned the phone slipped and he almost lost his hold on the baby as he tried to grab it.

"Would you _try_ and be careful with him?" I took Conner from him with a glare. He looked sheepish though he picked up the phone and finished what he was writing.

"Great. I'm on my way." Angel turned to leave as he hung up.

"No, mister. You're coming with me." I took his arm and pulled him to a corner of the lobby where it was less noisy or populated than the rest of the lobby.

"What the hell is going on here? We're in the garden and this wormy monster comes out of nowhere! And you never do two other things while you're holding the baby! Baby. 1st priority." I waggled a finger in his face while I held Conner.

"Business. We have business now. And I have a big case. I have to provide for this little guy." Angel looked down at Conner with a goofy smile on his face waving his finger at him.

"Business, huh? Okay, then it's about time you started to teach me how to use a sword or something. I'm not about to be helpless when some monster comes at me." So I had given Lorne's words more thought than I cared to admit. The green guy had a point and I really didn't want to be a liability. Being the 'damsel in distress' is so not the role I want to play here. It would get old _really_ fast and I'm just not into being saved. Call it stubbornness or pride whatever you like but I've always been the girl who doesn't ask for help.

I hate asking for it.

"I don't have time right now-."

"Hey! You help the helpless so help me be un-helpless so I can help you help the other helpless and help provide for this one." I lifted Conner higher so he could see. "And that one." I nodded towards Sebastián. Angel looked confused. I sighed and rolled my eyes because what was so confusing about what I'd just said?

"Train me you dunce! Make me a fighter."

"Oh. After this case, I promise." Angel patted my shoulder and began to walk off. "I think he needs changing. Oh, and bottle, three o'clock." Then he disappeared in the crowd.

"Damn." I looked down at Sebastián. "Well, you wanted a little brother. Maybe now you'll change your mind." I sighed and went upstairs to change the wet diaper hoping that was all he'd done.

««««« »»»»»»

I sat in the lobby with my lap top when Angel came back. Not long after that did Lorne stumble into the lobby.

"Bon giorno, everybody, bon giorno." He said.

"You've been drinking?" Angel didn't sound pleased and I felt the need to quip.

"I guess that answers my earlier question, green guy."

"Oh, I can hold my liquor. Unfortunately I can't say the same for my firewater." Then he giggled.I rolled my eyes at him and smiled amused. He was drunk, why argue with him?

"Aren't they the same thing?" Fred asked.

"Hey, Fred-girl! No, this is special firewater, used to loosen the tongue of my Gar-wak snitch. They light the water on fire and there's chanting and a bong, and look out, Houston!"

"So wrong about the liquor aye." I shook my head and continued my search.

"Did you learn anything about Holtz?" Angel asked impatiently.

"Oh yeah. He is _really_ not fond of you. I'm led to believe that he and his Grapplar demons had plans to," Lorne swiped his hand across his neck and made this funny sort of squak. "you." I saw Angel lean away from Lorne and close his eyes. "Is my breath stinky?" Lorne asked him.

"I'd say that's a yes." I stood up setting my lap top on the counter and actually tried to get all the information I could from this sort of meeting without really having to ask any questions. I still wasn't sure what exactly I did for AI. I mean, answering phones and typing up client bios was nothing out of the ordinary, not something I hadn't done at other temp jobs but… Well, AI is different. The business is run out of a hotel, my boss is a vampire- one of the evil undead only he has a soul but shouldn't exist because really, vampires? And Lorne. Green skin, red eyes and horns- he is a demon. No denying that but he's not- well he's just not what I would expect. Not with what I've seen.

Wesley.

Yes, a Watcher and he's explained what that is, at least what he used to do and that just brought up a whole bunch of other questions that I was still trying to figure out because how could people, regular people, not know about this? Secret societies and supernatural phenomena- someone somewhere had to have planted the seeds for some conspiracy theories about this.

Fred was the genius, this nerdy girl who was too smart and got sucked into another dimension. Completely normal otherwise and very at ease with living in a hotel with a vampire and a demon.

Gunn, well he and Cordelia had somehow grown up with the weird and strange as though it was normal. At least they weren't told they were crazy or traumatized. Hell, Gunn seemed to be working out his anger issues really well on the undead and demony. He sure likes to fight… and then there's Cordelia.

I didn't get the whole story but she wasn't always- well she's part demon now thanks to the Powers That Be. She made her choice and I can't say it was good or bad. It's not my place but I can't say that I would do the same in her shoes. Of course her visions help people, but she almost died because of those visions.

I wonder if she read the fine print and what it says because I doubt the Powers That Be just hand over 'abilities' just because. In the twenty years I've lived knowing that the world isn't how 'normal' people perceive it to be I've learned that things don't come for free and the price paid for 'special' gifts tends to be higher than expected or willing to pay.

"Holtz is using the Grapplars as soldiers."

"Not anymore, Bucko. He poisoned them and he's looking for replacements. Humans." Lorne swayed on his feet and I wondered how long it would take for him to either sit down or fall over. I was kinda thinking five minutes or so with the way he was swaying when he wasn't holding onto someone.

"Yeah, people are that stupid right?" I asked turning to face the group. The looks on their faces kind of said I was wrong. People are stupid and they're gullible. You just have to get them in the right frame of mind. At the worst point in their lives.

"Do we know where he is?" Angel asked.

"Bro, I'm on it. I've got rats looking all over this town. Well, not actual rats - except two of them. Ooh, I don't feel so good." Lorne swayed precariously as he grabbed his head.

Then a couple of demons with the 'I am Merlin' robes came in clicking and clacking like crazy. This was still a little weird but I didn't let on how some of these demons still freaked me out. It was difficult, stamping down those memories…

"Uh, we've got company." Cordelia said as she picked up Conner from his crib.

"Everyone's a genius." Hey, how could I pass up that opportunity? She's lucky I didn't do her one worse.

"These are the guys that wanted Wesley." Angel gave us a warning look before turning to the Nahdrah's.I shrugged and let them deal with the icky looking things. Someone had to look for the Holtz dude. Not that I thought a web search would give me much of a lead but hey they were the ones paying for it.

"Not anymore. Now they want Fred." Lorne waved a hand in Fred's general direction. I left them there going to my suite. Damn that just sounds really nice.

"My suite." I sighed smiling.

I had a home. Granted we got weird 'guest' dropping in at all hours asking for AI but this was home. I had a place to call home…

Once in my suite I set my laptop on the desk I had set up by the window and sat down to do the search. After about twenty minutes of typing in all kinds of variants on the name 'Steven Holtz' I figured the guy really didn't want to be found or he just never existed.

"Time for some hocus pocus." I sighed. This was going to be a little harder to do and take longer. What with the setting up of the crystals and casting a circle not to mention the meditating part before any of that was done.

"Whoa, this'll be a while." But I was getting better. Now that I didn't have anyone telling me I was crazy and didn't have to hide my 'weird' books I was getting the hang of it. Abuelita was right about practice and time being my best course. Everything she'd taught me on those summer vacations was fresh in my mind. It was a little strange but sometimes it felt as though she were with me, helping, reminding me of things I'd thought forgotten.

I should get the rest of my boxes from Dad's house but I don't want to go just yet. I could always call and have them shipped…

««««« »»»»»»

I drove through the heavy traffic in downtown L.A. fighting my way into a parking structure in Chinatown. Just my luck to forget my little brother's upcoming birthday. Then again with everything that's happened over the past weeks they really couldn't blame me for forgetting. The problem with that is the explanation.

"Yeah, I'm sorry about forgetting the day you were born but you see there was this crazy pregnant vampire trying to get rid of her baby and craving your nephew's blood and then there are all these demons coming to Angel Inc. because they need help and since they-we. I have to remember to say 'we'. We help the helpless there's a lot of work so you see? It's really not my fault." I looked in the rearview mirror and shook my head. Nobody in his or her right mind would believe that story. The thing is, I am in my right mind. Not that my family thinks so.

I noticed Sebastián looking at me funny. "Mommy's only a little bit loopy in the head, k?"

Sebastián smiled then laughed as I jumped. My cell rang, I still hadn't gotten used to the ring tone and sometimes I didn't realize I was ringing. This time I knew it was me and when I saw who was calling I groaned.

Really, what did she need me for?

I put the cell in the space between the seats and locked my doors. "She can't have anything important to say to me." Besides, I had presents to shop for. Guy was crazy about his fantasy weapons so I figured I'd add to his collection and maybe I'd even get something for Sebastián. I waited for him to come around the car then gave him my hand.

"You want a sword?" I asked.

"Yes!"

What a happy little boy I made him.

««««« »»»»»»

"Well. Your Uncle Wes and Uncle Gunn are not picking up either. And your daddy, he doesn't know how to work his voicemail or keep a promise. So we'll go down to the Marina, return the money and explain it was all just a big mistake." Cordelia picked up Conner and then grabbed the money case and headed out of the bedroom. She stopped at the lobby glancing at the phone then at the door.

"Oh, what the hell." Cordelia set the money case on the counter and picked up the receiver. She took a deep breath and dialed then waited. When the voicemail picked up she hmphed annoyed and left a message. She let the receiver fall in its cradle then took the money and walked out of the lobby.

"I know she can work her voice mail."

««««« »»»»»»

"Why is no one answering their cell phones?" I grumbled.

"No one's home, Mom?" Sebastían asked from the back seat.

"No baby, shush." I had to concentrate on getting through this traffic and onto the freeway. It was late but in L.A. traffic was one thing you could always count on to slow you down. Right now I wished we had wings.

"Who takes a baby there?" I exclaimed banging on my horn to get through a yellow light. I just hoped there wasn't a policeman or one of those camera lights. I just hate those!

Once on the freeway I grabbed my cell and dialed Angel and yet again was directed to his voicemail which I knew he'd never answer. He was completely useless with technology but give him some medieval weapon or thigamagig about as old as him and he was just fucking Einstein!

"Fuck!" I hung up and dialed Gunn hoping this time he would pick up.

"Mom. Don't say bad words!" Sebastián scolded me from the back seat. I had to grind my teeth to keep from snapping at him. He was getting on my nerves and it wasn't even his fault. If that stupid woman had just stayed where she was-. Then again if I had picked up sooner maybe she wouldn't have gone to the marina with Conner.

"Arh! Voicemail!" I hung up and dialed Wesley. He would pick up, God I hoped he picked up.

"Voicemail! Dammit, answer the stupid phones!" I yelled into the receiver and threw the cell phone on the passenger seat.

I could see the exit coming up only 3miles but they seemed to take for ever. I kept hearing Cordelia's message in my head.

 _"Fred's in trouble. The Nahdrahs want her head so if you can get a hold of anyone tell them to go to the marina. I'm on my way there with the money. I hope that I can persuade them to give her back. Oh, tell Angel, Conner is with me."_

 _'Fucking moron! Who takes a baby there?'_

The light turned red as I came barreling down the street. There wasn't a lot of traffic but still. "No! No,no,no! Turn green! Green I say!" I leaned into my steering wheel yelling. I slammed on the brakes just as the light turned green.

"What the fu-!" I was surprised by the sudden change but the baby was the most important thing on my mind. I shoved the gas pedal all the way down and the Honda picked up speed again. It wasn't my favorite car but it was big enough to carry around all my things when I'd needed it.

"Sebastián, get in the back and give me the swords we bought for Guy."

"Yes, Mom." I saw him scramble over the back seat and throw the katanas over. There were three and the wood display stand which at the moment I didn't need. Sebastián jumped into the back seat and leaned forward handing them to me one by one.

"Hold on." I warned as I turned into the marina's parking lot. The Nahdrahn's lived on a barge and the only one I could see was all the way at the end of the lot.

(Really, I have no idea if it's called a pier or what. But the big boat was at the end of the land bridge I was driving on.)

I swerved to a stop and grabbed up the two largest katana's and handed Sebastián the 3rd. I didn't even think of what I was going to tell Guy regarding his birthday presents. It didn't even matter just then.

"Keep this one and stay on the floor in the back. Make sure the doors are locked and keep the keys with you. Don't open the doors for anyone." I gave him the keys and locked the doors before I closed it.

"Get down." I ordered seeing him peek out the window at me. He quickly ducked down and I ran to the barge. They had this long ramp going to a hole in the side of the barge and I headed up.

Inside it was dark; I had to let my eyes adjust before I went up another ladder. It was like some maze, one I was lucky enough to find my way through and only because I heard Cordelia.

"Lorne - do these guys have groins?" she asked.

"Is that really important right now?" Fred. I was glad she was still alive.

"Work with me here, kids." Cordelia held Conner to her as I came through the curtained arch way.

"I think so. I never knew one intimately." Lorne said from his position on the floor.

"Why are you asking about their package?" I asked from behind her. Cordelia turned surprised to see me. I pulled out one of the katanas and pointed at the Nahdrahn. "Bad guy?" I asked. At her nod I rolled my eyes.

"Excuse me. See this?" I pointed at the katana blade. "It's sharp, not as much as I'd like but it works. This pointy end, yeah that goes in there!" I shoved the end into the Nahdrahn.

God, it was the grossest thing ever! It felt like I'd stuck my hand in a bucket of shitlins, minus the stinky smell.

"Uuhgh!" I scrunched my face and turned away as the Nahdrahn slid off the blade and fell to the floor. "Breath mints are good!" I exclaimed but didn't really expect them to go out and buy some.

So much for them not stinking.

By then two more Nahdrah's had come out to see what the commotion was all about. I turned to look at Cordelia who was still holding Conner and standing behind me.

"Hello." I waved a hand at her wondering why she hadn't left yet. "What are you still doing there?"

"Hey, I was here first!" Cordelia exclaimed.

"Baby." I pointed to Conner then arched my eyebrow. "Angel's going to be really happy about his son getting eaten by the Nahdrah's." her face did that 'oh' kinda look but she didn't move. "Dammit go! Get him out of here!"

"What?" she looked from Conner to me and the swords in my hands. I could see what she was thinking just before she pushed Conner towards me. "You take him. I'm better with a sword than you."

"What? No!" I took a step away from her and was stopped by a solid object right behind me.

"Shit." I sighed. I could see from her face that it wasn't good and as I turned to see the Nahdrahn behind me I tried to smile. "Hi-."

I didn't get to say anything else as he shoved me aside. I stumbled tripping on the Nahdrahn's robe and hit my shoulder on the rails. Cordelia stepped forward and kicked him between the legs. His robe sort of billowed and I heard a metal clang.

"Oh. Ow! Ow! Ow!" Cordelia hopped on one foot backwards through the curtain. I blinked and began to get to my feet when she came back in bracketed by Wes and Gunn. They wasted no time on hello's just went straight in for the kill.

"Hi to you too." I grumbled picking up the long katana and following them. I wasn't sure what I thought I could do but I wanted to hurt something badly but I wasn't stupid about it either. I stayed out of the way until I could get at one of the Nahdrahn's from behind or blindside them.

Do you really think I wanted to get hurt?

Of course I didn't let the icky feel of the- of how the sword had just-. They were demons. They were evil. These were the bad guys. It was ok, I wasn't doing anything wrong and I kept telling myself that.

"Fred! Help her!" Cordelia yelled. I turned to look for her and saw that she was sitting all tied up with a sword to her neck. That was the stupidest thing I could do. After all my sneaking up behind the Nahdrahn's and gutting them one of them decided to try my tactics.

I felt a heavy hand just shove me. I imagine that's how a fly feels when you hit it with a fly swatter. The Nahdrahn's are strong and I went flying across the room. Somewhere along the way I lost the katanas and just before I hit the wall I saw glittering lights. I hit the corner of the generator with my side knocking it over and banged my head on the wall. I don't even remember falling on the floor.


	4. Last Minute Things

**_Feeling sorry and blue makes for a very grumpy girl! So why is Phade so blue? I bet you the wall in the last chapter could tell you. But for now Phade has new mistakes to make and dabbling in magic is the way to go._ **

**««««« »»»»»»**

"So nice to see everyone up and about." I greeted them sarcastically as I limped down the steps of the Hyperion. It was irritating the heck out of me to see them all nice and neat while I was purple and blue all along my jaw and cheek. My whole body was sore and covered in bruises from hitting the generator, wall and floor like a sac of potatoes.

"How are you feeling?" Fred asked me in a small voice. I don't know why she felt guilty, it wasn't her fault I'd been hurt.

"Just great. Never better." I replied with a smile even though it hurt. My face hurt. It hurt to smile.

I saw Wes grimace at sight of me and couldn't blame him. I felt terrible and I was in a crappy mood. Crappier than usual and I was stuck indoors, well out of sight of people at least.

I suppose you're wondering why that would bother me since I tend to stay away from people anyway. Well, this was forced isolation not by Angel or anyone at AI. No, I did this to myself because having to answer questions about how I got hurt… God no. People are just too fucking nosy for their own good. Its how most get in trouble.

Cordelia turned away from me still smiling and it just pissed me off. If it hadn't been for her stupidity in taking the baby-. The worse part was, Angel didn't even get mad at her!

Still, Angel had finally set a time and place for my training. I didn't like the silver lining of my cloud but that's what I got so too bad.

"Angel's taking us out." Fred quipped.

"That's nice of him." I glowered at Angel. "Have fun, kids." I said then hobbled over to the desk they had set aside for me. It was a good thing they kept me in a corner with the way I'd be looking for the next couple of days. Then again there was this new spell I hadn't tried yet. It was supposed to alter one's perception and I wondered if maybe it would work with this… I looked at my reflection in the glass but nothing could accurately describe what my face looked like. Bruises and cuts-.

"There's another ticket." Angel stood by my desk. I was getting used to his silent, broody presence popping up unexpectedly. I didn't bother looking up at him and just shrugged.

"Thanks but no." There were new files on my desk which I was supposed to file or search, I wasn't sure which but I pretended I did and hoped he would go away if he saw I was busy.

"It's a ballet. The Blinikov ballet and they're doing one of their signature pieces. Giselle." He said as if I knew what he was talking about. What did I care about a stupid ballet performance when my whole body ached like a mother..?

"I've been to the ballet." I turned to glare at him. "The fact that I look like I've been hit by a truck and going to find a dress that most women," and here I turned my stare on Cordelia. "Would wear once while hiding the tags to return the next day isn't my idea of fun."

"But its Giselle." Angel replied.

"Uyh!" I sighed and stupidly rested my head on my hand. "Ow!" once more I glared at him as I got to my feet and limped my way past him to the back garden.

 _'Lorne made a mistake. I don't belong here and I sure as hell am not some little warrior for the PTB!'_

The door banged open as I stepped out into the warm day. Being Friday sure as hell didn't make me any happier. Not the way I usually looked forward to the weekends.

I sat on the stone ledge of the fountain and tried to breathe normally but every breath felt like I had needles being poked in me. Still the sun felt good on my skin so I closed my eyes to try and enjoy it. There were still a few hours before Sebastían was out of school and I didn't even have to pick him up. Gunn and Fred were doing that until my bruises faded.

Who wouldn't want to go the Ballet besides miss snooty-my-shit-don't-stink? Then again being asked out of obligation or pity didn't make me feel like going especially with the way I felt and looked. So what if I was being pig headed I had a right to be!

"Look at me!" I grumbled and did. My black t-shirt left my arms uncovered and I could see all the bruises on my upper arms. The jeans covered all the scratches and bruises on my legs but they couldn't hide my limp or the soreness.

"You don't look as bad as you think."

His voice floated down to me as the door closed silently. I glanced up seeing him come down the steps. Of course it was all a lie but it was nice of him to try and make me feel better.

"Cant I mope to myself?" it wasn't bothering them if I did it alone. He sighed sitting next to me, as if he were tired, slowly taking off his glasses and wiping them with a handkerchief. He did that a lot and this time I let my eyes wander over his face.

"You can." Wesley replied once more putting on his glasses. "What good does it do you?"

 _'Well, shit. Putting it that way, not much.'_

"So what do I do?" I asked annoyed. "Pull out a fancy dress and try to hide the bruises?" I shook my head. "Nah, I wouldn't be able to walk in the heels anyway." I tried to smile and avoided looking at him directly. It wasn't that he made me uncomfortable the way a man- it just wasn't like that with Wes.

"That's not the only reason, is it?" he asked. Around Wes I always felt like he could tell when I was lying, even though I didn't want to say it out loud. I couldn't help but meet his gaze.

"Yeah," I agreed. "I'm not sure where I belong with you all. I still feel like some intruder, no purpose, no cause, and of no use." I shrugged then grimaced. Even that slight movement hurt from the top of my head to my toes. But it was true. Even here where I wasn't the crazy little sister I felt like a round peg trying to fit in a square hole.

"I understand." He agreed so quickly it was a surprise. I thought he would at least try to hedge a bit so I wouldn't feel so bad.

"Gee, thanks." The look on my face must've been more expressive than my words.

"No, I meant you're right about- about…" he sighed and leaned his head back a bit. He did look tired and I wondered why. True, we were getting a lot of business but everyone helped out. We were far from being spread to thin to cope with all our clients…

"We haven't exactly made the effort to bring you into our work." Wesley turned to me once more. "Answering phones, checking credit, setting appointments, that's not all we do."

"Yeah, I know." I said lifting my arms so he could see the scratches and dark bruises. He sort of shook his head with a little smile.

 _'He's not so stuffy.'_ I thought to myself.

"Yes, I see." He sat up straighter seeming to gather himself into his dignified Englishman's façade. "My door is always open, if you have any questions or concerns, please, do ask."

He held my gaze for a second that felt like an hour. The sun shone down on us warmly bringing out the highlights in his dark brown hair. It glimmered off the rim of his glasses and sharpened his features so he looked strong. Stronger than I would've thought he could be. The color of his eyes only deepened, like a glass of whisky sitting on a bar top on a hot day when the sun shined through a window making the liquid glow warmly.

I wondered again what it would be like, what he would be like if things were different. I imagined they all would be different people if they hadn't made this choice.

"How do you do that?" I asked softly.

"What?"

"Make people feel comfortable around you even when you're talking about uncomfortable things?" I smiled thinking how stupidly I'd phrased my question.

"Oh." Wesley sort of chuckled glancing away. Had I really embarrassed him?

"I have no idea." He replied honestly as he got to his feet. At the bottom steps he turned back. "He didn't ask out of pity."

I stayed quiet not knowing how to reply. Had I been that obvious about the whole situation?

 _'I could swear he read my mind.'_

««««« »»»»»»

"Hey Lorne." He looked up from his paper and smiled.

"Hi sugar pie. What are you still doing up?" he set down his drink, pink this time.

I walked into the bedroom thinking of the first time I'd seen him. The horns, green skin and red eyes combined with my lack of sleep had freaked me out though I was proud I'd kept my out ward calm. That is until he started waving around the ax. I mean really, you start waving an ax when you look like he does and expect to have people throw things at you and running away. I did.

"Cant sleep, green." I flopped down very carefully on Angel's bed and peeked into the bassinet where Conner lay asleep. "Cant say he has that problem." I sighed turning to Lorne.

"No, but he has other, more bigger problems than those, out there." He pointed towards the door with his free hand.

"Poor kid." I sat up and tried to fold my legs under me quickly changing my mind as I felt sharp pinpricks shoot up my leg. I grimaced turning to face Lorne. "Can I ask you a question?"

Lorne set his paper and the drink down to face me. "Ask away."

I sighed wincing a little because of my bruised ribs. "Ok, so you guys do all the demon stuff and Wesley has all these books on them and how to kill them." Lorne was giving me his undivided attention and it was making it harder for me to ask my question. I had to look down as I pushed through. "Well, I was wondering, I thought maybe, well your green and-."

"Crumb cake, if you don't ask I can't help." Lorne leaned forward resting his arms on his knees.

"Do you know anything about magic and spells and all that stuff?" there! It was all out and now I felt really stupid. I looked at Lorne from under my lashes hoping the look on his face was a good thing.

"What kind of magic are we talking about here?" he asked.

"I'm having trouble understanding a spell. Its supposed to make 'unsightly' things go away." I pointed out the dark bruises on my face.

"Oh, yes I do." He grinned sitting back in his seat and picking up his drink. "What's the problem?"

««««« »»»»»»

After my little chat with Lorne I felt more comfortable going to him for help regarding my spell casting not to mention having a shopping buddy when I needed to get supplies. Gunn wasn't any fun.

"It's not a complete waste of my night." I said while I looked for my book. "It's not like I was invited to the ballet or anything." I grumbled.

I sat on the lounge couch with the book on my lap and read. There were spells for just about everything you could want. To attract money, to find love, to get a better job, to get rid of a job.

"Ooh! How to be a 'Bed Goddess'. That certainly sounds interesting." I mumbled sarcastically as I skipped to the next section and stopped. Both pages were filled with beautiful drawings of strange shapes. I flipped back looking for the title page not seeing it but it wasn't in the previous pages. I looked at the sheets once more tracing some of the patterns with my finger. There were a couple of them that caught my eye immediately. I turned the page reluctantly and found the title page.

 _Rune Magic_

I took the book to my little dresser chest and set it on top in order to open the door. I pulled out the ingredients I needed and was lucky to find the silver chain. My Dad had bought a silver locket for me and I had broken the chain. That was a couple of years ago and I still hadn't fixed it.

"It's good for something now." I smiled a little as I took the things to the side table, the book was propped up so I could read what I was doing and I started. The process wasn't so difficult as much as tedious. There were a couple of times where I had to re-do the laying of the chain so I had the correct pattern. By the time I finished getting it right I was wondering if it was really worth doing another one.

"Now I just sprinkle the powder over the pattern and- shit!" I stepped away from the table watching little puffs of steam rise from the silver platter and was even more surprised when I saw the chain turn black. It wasn't just black; the chain glittered throwing off colored sparks.

"Is it supposed to do that?" I wondered going to the book and reading the instructions. As far as I could tell I had done everything the book had said and it wasn't saying if this was normal.

"No way." I glanced at the steaming rune then back at the book and read the next step.

"Gently take the rune and place it in the corresponding extremity as you speak the following phrase." The rune hadn't stopped fizzing or steaming while I'd read and now that I looked at it I wasn't sure I wanted to finish this. Then again what was one more black mark on my body considering all the other ones currently adorning it?

Carefully removing my t-shirt I read the sentence. "Hear this request, answer my plea." Hesitantly placing my fingers over the rune I readied my self for the burn. More wisps of smoke floated up from the pattern. I could feel the heat as they wove their way past my fingers.

"Mend what is torn, Heal from within." I scrunched my eyes as I grabbed the rune and gasped almost dropping it. I was so surprised by the coldness of the metal I brought it close to my face so I could see it. The rune still steamed within my grasp throwing off little colored sparks. I brought it towards my chest positioning it just under my left breast as close to my heart as I could.

"A rune for healing I take unto my heart." The cold metal touched my skin and immediately burned but when I tried to take it away I could feel it stick to my skin. I thought I heard a sucking sound, as if air were being pulled into my skin along with the rune. I choked on the pain unable to scream as it burned its way inside me.

The last part of the passage was yet to be read and I was doubled over with the pain. Still, I straightened up enough to see the book and managed to strangle out the rest hoping this would make the pain stop. "Let the Gods answer my plea. God of all things nature and mother earth, humbled unto thee take my pain from me." I looked towards the ceiling and really meant it. "God Please!"

After one last blinding flash of pain which I couldn't breathe past it all stopped. I found myself on the floor staring at the boards.

 _'Damn. It's dusty again.'_ I thought. Slowly getting to my feet I felt the skin where I had placed the rune but it was smooth. I looked down and gasped at the perfect shimmering black pattern just under my skin. I got up moving towards the mirror in my room never taking my eyes from the rune. With every step I took it shimmered constantly changing colors. It went from black to different shades of the darkest to lightest green, blue, purple, orange, yellow, red and black again.

I was mesmerized.

I couldn't imagine this happening to me, ever. Me practicing magic and actually doing a spell. I wondered if there were any other witches I could contact and learn from. There was a lot I didn't know about and I was smart enough to realize I could make a deadly mistake if I didn't know what I was doing. If Abuelita had been here I would've had someone to ask and talk to but she'd been dead for some years now.

The mirror showed the same thing only there I could see a slightly black tinged glow surrounding the rune. Then I noticed the bruises on my face where yellowish green when only a moment ago they had been completely purple-blue and the cut on my lip was gone.

"It works!" I exclaimed in surprise. "Oh my God it really worked!" I was so happy I ran to the book and began to look for the next rune when it clicked.

"I ran." I turned to look the way I had come from and exclaimed; "I can run again! Oh my God I ran!" I was giddy with my success.

««««« »»»»»»

It was early morning and I could hear voices as I went downstairs.

"Uhg, the ice queen hasn't melted yet. Darn." Turning the corner I glanced down at the lobby and noticed 'Conan the Barbarian' playing around with the weapons. I went down the stairs slowly wondering if this was a bad thing or good. The others were sitting in Wesley's office chatting, Wes and Cordelia had their backs to the door. I walked up to the leather and fur mammoth man and cleared my throat.

"Greetings." He said bowing down. He held the sword point down to the side and when he straightened I saw that his eyes were black. Not the way you think black but completely black, no irises black, and I'm ashamed to say I sort of flinched. I'm thinking he didn't notice because he just kept smiling which was even weirder. But the last time I had seen-.

"Uh, hello." I replied and looked around for Gunn or Fred. Someone knew where this 'He-man' came from and why. Didn't they? They knew there was a demon in the lobby-!

"So, who are you..?" I had to stay calm, keep my cool. Once more he bowed saying; "I am the Grooselaug."

"The who?" I shook my head not really caring. He just wasn't- where was the stench? I sniffed delicately, trying in vain to hide the motion but there was nothing.

"Never mind. What are you doing here? Do you need help?" I asked feeling confused and trying to get my heart to stop beating so fast.

His smile widened. "I have come for my true love. I need no help."

"A-ha, good luck with that then. I'll just…" I walked in the direction of the others kinda looking over my shoulder at 'Conan'. He kept grinning and it made me more nervous.

 _'Crazy weirdo with no irises.'_

"Hey-." I stopped at the door.

"Nobody in this office is ever gonna get any." Cordelia turned to look behind her at the sound of my voice.

"Really?" I replied. "I guess _some_ people need to get laid in order to have good manners." I could see her color rise and turned my attention to Angel. "There's some big wanna be 'Conan the Barbarian' playing with your swords."

"That's Groo." Angel answered looking uncomfortable. I was getting good at reading his expression especially when he wasn't all gloom and doom let me brood.

"I have manners! I-." Cordelia began but I cut her off.

"Excuse me." I motioned to Angel and myself. "People talking here. It's very bad manners to interrupt us." I frowned at her and put my finger over my lips. "Shush."

I couldn't help myself. The sight of her red face and high pitched 'Oooh!' just made me laugh. Cordelia stood up and took a step towards me pointing her finger. Both Angel and Wesley got up and quickly managed to put themselves in the middle of us. We were all past the point of politely pretending there wasn't a mutual dislike between Cordelia and myself.

Wesley was very gentle though firm as he moved me out of his office. Angel herded Cordelia towards the other side of the lobby and I watched as the 'Groo' took her from Angel and sat her down on the couch. He knelt down looking at her with such concern it was obvious even to me who his 'true love' was.

"Eck! And with that!" I shook my head not seeing the attraction to him. Was he one of the bad guys? If he was then Angel would've tossed him out- kicked his ass at the very least. T was just- his eyes were bugging me.

"Sorry, what?" I turned to Wesley. He was staring at my face with a small frown.

"I said, the cut on your lip is healed and your bruises have faded, considerably." He glanced at my face once more before locking his eyes on mine. I took an involuntary step back which he followed and I ended up stuck between him and the counter.

"Uuh…" I couldn't even think with him staring at me.

 _'This is weird. Me, liking him? Nah-ah!'_

He arched his eyebrow giving me the 'look'. That got my dander up and I took a step forward making him move back.

"It's a healing spell. Works pretty good too, don't it?" I asked motioning to my face. The 'look' fell off and I guessed he wasn't expecting me to stand up to him or give him attitude. The way I'd been behaving the past few weeks I wouldn't have expected it either.

I turned to the door beginning to walk out. "I'll be back in a couple of hours." I didn't even glance towards Cordelia and the mooning Groo as I headed towards the stairs. Just as I was about to go up I heard Sebastían running. He came barreling down the stairs jumping the last three to land in a one handed crouch. He grinned as he looked around then jumped up.

"Angel! Did you see that? I was cool! I-." he moved towards the steps and I grabbed the back of his shirt.

"Late for school. Now move!" I shoved him towards the doors grumbling then smacked the back of his head as we walked out. "Haven't I told you not to jump down those stairs? Any stairs!"


	5. Side Effects

_**Not everything goes the way we plan and Phade has given up on any thing working** **out her way. Now all she can do is take the shit the PTB sends her way and make** **it work to her advantage something the others notice she does well even when it** **works against them.** _

**««««« »»»»»»**

I took great pains to hide the runes on my body, particularly the one on my wrist. So far, no one had noticed anything different. Especially Angel, he worried me because he spent more time with me now that Cordelia had her Groo, not to mention the training. Yup, so much fun, mhmm. Angel was a strict teacher and I blamed it all on her. I could see he liked her though I was loathed to consider he might be in love.

Not all the runes had burned like the first one though they all looked the same. The one on my wrist, Strength, had burned like a mother f-! The spell had recommended linking the war rune since they were counter parts but after the painful experience of the first I wasn't too sure about it. In the end I figured it was worth the pain and I knew for sure no one would see it. Not unless there was a reason for me to loose some clothes.

The Wisdom rune was just above the back of my neck, I rarely put my hair up so I figured nobody would see it. That one had given me a head ache that lasted about two days. It wasn't one of those annoying head aches you can live with nor was it so bad it put me down. No, this head ache was always there, pounding just behind my eyes and going from the back of my head to my temples. I was a very grumpy woman that weekend.

The last one was for protection. Hey, I wasn't about to go out there thinking I was invincible; I made sure my ass was covered. This one though, was harder to hide and it was all my stupid fault, too. I had always wanted to get a tattoo on my back, low enough to hide with my jeans but just high enough that if I bent down anyone could see. Well, I got my wish and now I spent most of my time looking for long shirts or standing up really fast whenever anyone came in unexpectedly.

Weird things kept happening as well. Little things, things I wouldn't normally have noticed except…

««««« »»»»»»

I sat with Angel in the pediatrician's office hearing all the women complaining about their babies. The first woman whined about her baby screaming and crying all night, the second one about colic and the first one kept saying nothing worked, not walking him or holding him…nada.

 _'Jesus! You wanted the kid now deal!'_ I grumbled. Sebastían had been a good baby, at least I thought so. He only cried when he was wet or hungry and if he was hungry he wouldn't stop crying until he had his bottle and even then, sometimes he'd still keep crying just because it took a little longer to heat up.

The women were staring at Angel where he sat holding Conner. Wesley sat next to him looking totally rumpled, then again he had spent the night going through books researching God knows what. I was extremely curious about it too.

Angel was giving the women advice as I watched. I had to give him props. He was the only man I'd ever seen who tried to learn anything he could about parent hood. Shit! I hadn't read any books!

"I should have thought of that!" the woman smiled at Angel. "Mr. Dad to the rescue!"

I could see Angel begin to grin which in itself was sort of weird but nice to see, when the nurse came out calling her name. The woman left and Angel turned to Wesley gushing.

"Mr. Dad! Check me out! I'm Mr. Dad." Something about Wes's look got his attention and mine. "You okay, Wes?"

"Well, just a bit tired, is all." He replied with some effort.

"Probably good you got out of the office. We haven't seen you for the last couple of days. You've been holed up with all those," he glanced around and whispered, "prophecies and books."

"Yes, I've been working on a - particularly difficult translation." He surreptitiously glanced in my direction and I quickly lowered my eyes to the magazine in my hands with a shrug.

"Is it about Connor? Anything we have to worry about?"

I pretended to read my magazine though I strained to hear everything they were saying. Twice I caught Wes glance in my direction and I was afraid they would stop. I really wanted to know what they were talking about and since Cordelia was off com-shucking her Grooselaug there was no one else left to spill the beans.

"Mr. Angel?"

Just my luck!

"Stupid nurse." I mumbled looking up at Angel.

I could see he was surprised Wesley got up to go in with them. He said it was just incase he forgot to ask anything. Angel turned to look at me and I shrugged.

"Don't think you need a third set and those exam rooms are barely big enough for three, including the doctor, let alone four." I smiled up wishing I had heard something more informative.

"Okay then." Angel turned happily to the nurse and followed her.

"We won't be long, Phade." Wesley smiled tiredly before following them.

 _'Yup, I'll just wait here.'_ I thought looking around the waiting room. Seeing the women holding babies kinda made me nostalgic. I started thinking about my experiences with Sebastían as a baby, all those times I missed out holding him because my Dad said he would get so used to it I'd never get anything done. As I surveyed the room and each mother with a baby I mentally criticized everyone.

Some of the baby's looked like they needed to be there. One had a runny nose but his mother was too busy comadreando with the lady next to her to notice the baby had a huge booger bubble about ready to burst. There was this one lady sitting two rows away hoisting her overly fat little girl on her lap. I mean really! What were these women thinking? I could understand a grown woman deciding to let herself go and gain some pounds but a kid? I never heard a child say; _"Mommy, I wanna be fat. Feed me."_

 _'She looks like some overgrown cow .If you really love her STOP FEEDING HER!' I thought._

"What!" the woman's head snapped up looking around the waiting room once before she settled on me, the only one staring at her with a reproving frown.

"Huh?" I glanced to my left then right and turned to look behind me in surprise. Other women in the waiting room were staring at her now. I could see her face go redder as she pursed her lips. The woman next to her whispered something and I took the opportunity to look down at the magazine. I pretended to read though in reality I was freaking out!

 _'What the hell was that? I can't believe she heard me! Did she hear me? Did I say it out loud? I don't remember speaking…'_

Something was definitely wrong. This hadn't happened before.


	6. "The Father Will Kill the Son"

**_Pretty much how the title says. I had to go through the scripts and pick out some parts where Phade could be introduced just to get her from point A to B._ **

**««««« »»»»»»**

I sat at my desk going over some of the cases. I was making sure we had been paid before I officially closed the file and put it away.

"I wanna know how he does it. No last name, no bank account. How are you ordering stuff off the web?" Gunn asked.

"It's not that hard, really." Fred began to explain. "All you have to do is hack into the shipping database, find someone who is ordering what you want, then substitute your information." I looked up when she stopped and saw both Angel and Gunn staring at her. "Except that would just be high-tech robbery." She quickly finished looking down.

"I memorized Cordelia's credit card numbers." Angel said as he stuck his hands inside the box.

"Oh. Low-tech robbery." Fred said. Angel pulled two miniature hockey sticks out of the box and held them up. I sighed, rising to file some of the cases away.

"Some kind of boomerang vamp stake?" Gunn asked. I could hear the funny in his voice and shook my head. No one ever got tired of teasing Angel.

"No! They're itty-bitty hockey sticks!" Angel exclaimed handing one over to Gunn. I saw him demonstrate as he pulled a small jersey out of the box and held it up.

"Connor 03." I read stepping around the counter to see.

"How _cute_ is this? Huh? Seriously." Angel turned to each of us grinning.

"Seriously, I think you got way too much time on your hands." Gunn replied looking a bit put off.

"Come on. You think it's adorable." Fred cooed taking Conner over to see the jersey.

"Well, yeah, but at least I'm manly enough to deny it."

"Hey! There are different kinds of manliness." I looked at Angel. "I think Dad's are very manly. Especially doting one's like your self." I looked at the others once more. "Seriously, when have you ever seen a single Dad behave like Angel does with Conner?" Fred shrugged silently agreeing with me and smiling at Angel. Gunn opened his mouth but Angel cut him off.

"Okay, okay. I admit things have been a little slow since Cordelia and the Grooselaug went on vacation." He took the puck out of the box and tossed it to Gunn.

"Uy! Otra vez." I sighed turning away from them.

I went back to the desk a grabbed another set of files watching from the corner of my eyes as Angel sat at the counter drinking his blood. That was getting to be a habit with him. I couldn't remember him being this obvious about the whole blood thing. He was usually so…ashamed he had to drink it.

"Cordelia hasn't called once with a vision. Do they even have phones there?" Fred asked. Gunn dropped the puck on the floor and tried out the small hockey stick. I could see Angel shift in his seat.

"Maybe they're not near a phone. Come on, it's a vacation! They're not gonna waste it all on a dark hotel room - you know, together, where the food's delivered and there is no reason to go outside. You know, hockey is a great sport." He changed subjects quickly and Gunn was willing to accommodate him.

"You realize this is the whitest sport known to man?"

"True. But the games are indoors, and they usually play at night." Angel replied.

"Got you."

I turned to go in Wesley's office and saw him looking out. He was startled to see me there and I stepped in.

"You look…I'm not sure." I said. I wasn't good at reading Wesley, something I kept trying to remedy. Gunn and Fred were easy since they wore their feelings for each other on their sleeves. Sometimes I caught Wesley staring at them but I couldn't tell what was in his eyes. "You ok?" I asked.

"Yes, fine thank you." Wes straightened up pulling sheets together and covering the book on his desk. He surreptitiously hid the legal pad under another stack of papers. He probably thought I wouldn't notice and I raised my eyebrow.

We could hear them playing outside as we stared at each other. Finally deciding to break the silence I opened my mouth only to hear the sound of glass shattering. Both Wesley and I turned to look into the lobby.

"Yeah, you know, these - this isn't regulation size." Angel said holding up his hockey puck."Who's that?" I asked Wes as we both came out of his office.

"Excuse me. Is this Angel Investigations?" she asked. "I need your help."

The woman, Aubrey, had lost her son. From what she described we knew he'd been turned and had she let him in she would have been dead as well. Try telling that to a Mother who'd seen her son burst into flames. She'd probably call me crazy as well.

As usual Gunn had wanted to go charging in without finding out what we were up against and as usual Angel had been the one to rein him in.

"Boys drool, Girls rule." I mumbled under my breath and watched as Fred skipped over to Wesley's office. Their conversation was easy for me to listen in on ever since I did that rune magic. I was stronger and faster not to mention all those little 'extra' abilities like enhanced hearing, sight, and fuck was I shocked when it happened the first time! I could hear thoughts! Well, it was more like a slight buzzing in my ears but still, I heard 'em!

 _"The father will kill the son."_

"What?" my head snapped up from the papers I was putting in order. I tried to concentrate on the voice, Wesley's voice, but I just heard Fred telling him he should ask the Aubrey woman out.

"I know what I heard." I said leaving the papers on the desk as I walked towards Wesley's office. Fred left looking a bit hunched. Wes had his back to me as I entered and I cleared my throat. He straightened quickly looking as if he'd been caught doing something bad.

"Phade. I didn't hear you-."

"The father will kill the son." I spoke softly just above a whisper. I could hear my voice, tinged with sadness and worry, hoping I'd heard wrong but the look on his face, sadly accepting my words, shattered it.

"How-." He began to ask.

"Who, Wesley? And why haven't you told any of us?"

"No one but I knows and now you as well." He answered. "How?"

I shook my head letting out a heavy sigh. "The rune magic. I guess it's a side effect." I stepped around the desk and looked up at him. "You can't keep this a secret, Wes. You have to-."

"Try and get more information before I say anything to anyone." He took my arms in a firm grip. His look practically begged me to give him the time and I wasn't sure what to do. I opened my mouth to argue when he interrupted me.

"Angel, especially, mustn't know. He needn't worry until I'm sure this…"

My suspicions confirmed, I kept my mouth shut and nodded stiffly. He kept his eyes on mine until he felt sure I would do what he asked then he slowly let my arms go.

"I have to go out for bit." He set some papers in a drawer before turning to me once more.

When he left I thought to myself; _'I'll keep an eye on them. Anything happens I'll be ready.'_

««««« »»»»»»

I came down stairs carrying my purse when I saw Wesley talking to the Aubrey woman again. She handed him our pay and he moved towards the counter to put it away. Angel stood just out of sight in one of the alcoves which made me wonder what was going on.

"You're good. - I like the - 'lonely' thing." Wesley said.

"Wh-what?" Aubrey replied and I was wondering the same thing. What were they doing?

"Yeah, lonely. That was a nice touch." Angel spoke from my left surprising her. The woman spun around and saw Angel standing behind her and me not much further away. I saw her reach into her purse and pull out a stake. Angel moved with vampiric speed catching her arm and making her drop the stake as he grabbed her throat.

"Moves more like a fighter than a victim, wouldn't you say?" Angel asked Wesley.

"Yes, I would." He replied from his place behind the counter.

"What-?" I began to ask only to have Wesley shake his head 'No'.

"On second thought you guys look in control." I pointed to the door. "I'm just- yeah." I left them to deal with the woman not wanting to be late for Sebastían. I thought about the situation at the hotel, all the 'people' coming and going, and wasn't sure it was such a good place to live in.

"Damn! It's such a nice suite!"

««««« »»»»»»

"Hey, Mom? When are we going back to Angel's house?" Sebastían asked.

"It's not a house, it's a hotel and not yet." I replied absently. I was still thinking about what I should do regarding the living situation and the little voice in my head repeating that phrase. _"The father will kill the son."_ I had no idea how to help with that and to top it off there was an earth quake not ten minutes after I left the Hyperion.

I was just driving around now. We were both full, we had groceries to put away and I was beginning to get sleepy but I still hadn't made a decision regarding the little voice or what to do. I really didn't want to move nor did I feel completely comfortable leaving Sebastían alone in the hotel or to just wander around on his own.

 _'Dante.'_ I groaned as I thought about him. He would use any excuse to get Sebastían away from me just for spite. It wasn't as if he'd actually spend quality time with our son but still, he insisted on taking him for weekends or vacations and then he wouldn't even show up! He never bothered calling to let us know whether or not he was going to make it and it got to the point where we made other plans even if he said he was coming.

Dante was another reason I didn't go out or date not that I would ever admit that out loud and especially to him! I'm a little crazy but I'm not stupid.

I pulled into the underground garage and made Sebastían help me carry some of the grocery bags. We were going up the stairs when the hotel began to shake.

"Mom!" Sebastían shouted turning to me on the stairs. He let go of the railing and he pitched forward.

"NO!" I dropped the bags I was carrying and tried to catch him. He hit the first step and began to roll down when I stopped him. I fell to my knees and slid down a step holding him. He wasn't even crying as I stood and carried him to the door way. He just clung to me as we stood under the entryway. The weapons cabinet rattled loudly and I thought it would spill out all of Angel's toys but the latch held.

Just as suddenly the shaking stopped. I looked up the stairs and sighed seeing all our groceries scattered on the stairway and on the lobby floor. I glanced at Sebastían patting his back lightly. "That was big huh?" I smiled trying to lighten the moment.

Sebastían nodded then his eyes began to water and he scrunched his face. Before he could cry I dropped down and hugged him close. Then his little body began to shake with his sobs. It hurt to hear him and I couldn't stop my tears either.

What was I doing here? What was I doing to us?

So what they dealt with demons and vampires and all those fabled creatures of the night. So what if this was the one place where I'd be believed. Was it worth Sebastían's safety?

I don't know how long we sat there. I felt a light touch on my shoulder and turned a tearstained face to see Wesley standing over us.

"Are you alright?" he asked. I nodded embarrassed and turned my face away. He helped us get up and I thanked him still trying to keep my face averted. When he didn't move I turned to him. The smell of smoke wafted down to us. I hoped there wasn't a fire at least not a big one or anywhere near my suite.

"Wesley?" he looked so sad, lost. He didn't answer me, just slowly pulled us into his arms and held us tightly. I felt him sigh and I relaxed against him. If it was comfort he needed so did we and I was glad we could offer that to each other. He was carrying a heavier burden than I, more than I had thought.

Everything that had happened so far brought back Lorne's words to me.

 _"You should prepare for the physical pain. It's the only one you can control."_

Was all of this just a sampling of the things to come? Were all of us going to have a trial by fire?

I hoped, stupidly hoped, there would be no blood spilled.

««««« »»»»»»

I went downstairs with Sebastían the next morning to see Gunn walk in talking to Fred on the phone just as she stopped in front of him. They were smiling, so obviously in love. Usually, you'd think it was contagious but it just pissed me off.

"Glad to see your using the company phones for such important calls." Wes looked rather well after the whole earthquake episode the night before and I couldn't help agreeing with him.

"Did you want me to pay for that?" Gunn asked holding up the cell.

"Yes." I interrupted. "I've been seeing your numbers come up on the cell phone bills pretty regular as of late."

They both stared at me though Gunn's expression wasn't as shamefaced as Fred's.

"Chain 'em up!" I turned to Angel.

"What?" Fred exclaimed. She had this horrified look on her face and I wondered if Angel wasn't over reacting about the cell phone bills.

"I say we put a chain and a combination lock on the weapons. Better safe than sorry." Angel turned to Conner. "Isn't that right, buddy?" he asked kissing his son. "He likes you. I can tell."

"I like him, too. As a matter of fact I was thinking, perhaps I'd take him to the park or the beach, just the two of us." Wesley said giving Conner back to Angel. "Maybe there'll be some time in the next day or two."

"Sounds great. Yeah. Count on it." Angel replied. I was wondering where this sudden interest in taking a baby out by himself had come from considering the-.

 _'You've gotta be kidding.'_

"Ah, guys? I think there's something you should... Ah, can you come here for a sec?" Lorne asked.

"You'll have to fill me in later." I said pulling Sebastían out the door. "Dude! You have school!" I scolded as he tried to go back inside. Every time it was the same thing. Anywhere Angel went Sebastían wanted to follow. It was getting very annoying. At least today I didn't have to worry about picking him up from school.

"Don't forget. Gramps is picking you up from school so don't make him look for you. Got it?"

Sebastían nodded saying: "Yes mom."

««««« »»»»»»

"Guys, shouldn't we call Cordelia and the Grooselaug back into action? I mean, if one of us gets hurt, say, killing Wraith-ers for example. We're gonna need some backup around here." Fred asked as I walked into the Hyperion.

"Jesus! Can't y'all just get on without her?" I exclaimed. I stopped next to Lorne and looked to Angel.

"Nah, I don't wanna disturb her. It's the only break she's had in years. Besides, you know, it's just a couple of Wraith-ers." Angel replied to the others though he gave me a look.

"Three- actually."

I turned my attention to the blond girl. "Hi. Who are you?" I asked then turned to the others. "And what's a wraither?"

««««« »»»»»»

As soon as we walked in Lorne asked how it went. I just shook my head and went to the weapons cabinet. I listened to them as I put the weapons in their proper places. When I turned back I saw Angel sipping another glass of blood. I frowned.

Through the weeks I'd been here I couldn't remember Angel drinking this way. I began to think back, when had I seen him begin to drink so much? When had it started?

"It's really not. Connor, shut up!" Angel yelled. I flinched, what the hell was wrong with him?

"Don't yell at him. He's just a baby!" Fred looked angry and worried. I couldn't blame her. After the fight with the wraithers and his behavior now, I knew something was wrong.

"He keeps it up he's not gonna be a baby for long!" Angel threatened. I took a couple of steps towards him. Out of everyone there I was the only one about as strong as Angel was. Even if I was the only who knew it.

When he threw the glass at the wall I flinched. The blood splattered everywhere and glass clinked on the floor. I hurried to him hearing Gunn say: "You better get a grip right now!"

"I agree." I said shoving my palm into his chest. Angel flew back, bounced off the wall and landed on his hands and knees.

He looked up at me slowly and I had to keep myself from stepping back. There was something in his eyes that frightened me. There was an animal there, tightly reined in.

"Hey! What- how..?" they asked.

««««« »»»»»»

I kept my distance from Angel though I never took my eyes from him as everyone started to ask questions. All their speculations were useless. We already knew he'd been acting out of the norm, especially with the wraithers. There had been no need to get all vamped for those three and he hadn't been provoked. I'd suspected then something was wrong with Angel and was going to wait for Wesley. If anyone knew what normal was for Angel it was he. He'd known him the longest.

Lorne's comment on the spiked blood caught my attention.

"Finally!" I threw my hands up. "Someone with a brain." I turned to Angel. "Where did you get the blood and who gave it to you?"

"Whoa, wonder woman." Gunn stepped around Fred.

"Back off, chocolate boy." I pointed a finger at him and could've laughed at the look on his face. "Someone is seriously fucking with Conner's safety. Not to mention ours." I looked at Angel again. "I'm sure you want to know who then why."

The others began to argue but I kept my eyes on Angel. Slowly he nodded 'yes' and gave me the address. I started to leave then turned back to Angel.

"You gonna behave?" I asked. "No snacking on anyone." I waggled a finger in his direction but he just looked at me. Not even a slight smile. I sighed, took a short sword, some stakes and a very nice dagger from the weapons cabinet and headed to the door.

"Hey!" Fred followed me a couple of steps. "You can't go alone. Don't you need back up?" she turned to the others pointing at me. "She needs back up, right?"

Lorne was ready to agree except he saw something in my face. I'd never seen Lorne look at me that way before and I wasn't sure it was a good thing. I hurried out the door before they could try to stop me.

««««« »»»»»»

"WHO TOLD YOU?"

The man wiggled around trying to loosen my grip and I was having the easiest time holding him down. Later, I would take the time to bask gleefully in the memory of my strength but right now, I had business to take care of.

"I'm not asking again, tubby." I squeezed his throat just a little more. His eyes bugged out and a little squeak escaped him. That alone almost made me laugh. Such a high pitched sound coming from a huge man like him…

"Who spiked the blood you gave Angel?" the man jerked his head aside and I pulled him up so he could see my face. "Last chance. Who gave it to you?" I held the dagger just under his double chin, if he moved I wouldn't just kill him, I'd slice my hand as well!

I shifted the dagger slightly lower and watched as tears coursed down his flabby cheeks.

"Oops!" I gave him a wide eyed look. "Sorry, did I prick you?" I asked innocently. "It's my first time."

He closed his eyes and just barely nodded. I loosened my hold on him enough so he could croak out what I wanted to know.

"Guy in a suit-." He tried to swallow and flinched when I began to tighten my hold. "Gave me-. Said- it was- Angel's."

"Name." I ground out. He shook his head as best he could looking even more frightened.

"Don't know!" he began to cry. "Swear-! I don't-!"

"NAME!" my voice bounced off the walls. Even I flinched though he didn't see. He had his eyes scrunched tightly.

"Lawyer!" he squeaked. "Wolfram-. Hart." He choked out.

I pulled him up dragging the daggers blade down from his neck to his navel. His eyes practically popped out of their sockets as he shivered. The smell of piss wafted up to my nostrils and I grimaced.

"A grown man." I shook my head. "It's not even a deep cut, you sissy." He just kept crying. Disgusted, I threw him across the room. Chairs broke; papers flew off the desk which broke under his full weight.

"Thanks." I wiped the blood off the dagger on a piece of paper before I put it away. I picked up the short sword and walked out carefully stepping around the three bodies lying outside. None of them would wake up, then again they weren't human either so…

««««« »»»»»»

"Hey! I-." I ran down the steps and frowned. Angel had the saddest look on his face.

"What?" I asked.

"Its Angel's first night alone." Fred answered. She smiled at him. "Wesley took Conner for the night." Gunn said.

"What?" I hoped I'd heard them wrong. If Wes had taken Conner then…

 _"The Father will kill the Son."_ I mumbled.

"This'll be good for both of us. He can bond with his Uncle Wes. I can get some rest." Angel stood staring at the stuffed monkey.

"We'll stay up with you." Gunn told him. The idiot was smiling as I glanced up.

"Really? Thanks. – You know, he's just a little guy. I'm sure he'll be…" Angel broke off and we all turned to the sound coming from Wes' office.

"Is there someone in Wes' office?" Fred asked. They turned to go check just as I headed towards the doors again still carrying the sword.

"The Father will kill the Son." I kept mumbling to myself. I hoped I was wrong as I shifted the sword from hands.

The front doors burst open and a man in a long coat strode in. The side doors banged against the wall and another man came in holding a crossbow. I looked around seeing others stride in even from upstairs.

"Who the FUCK are you?" I took the stairs up menacingly. I felt the hairs on the back of my neck rise and quickly ducked to the side. A bolt whizzed by where I'd been and stuck into the wood by the door.

I was surprised. I'd seen it, in my head, just as it flew by and then it had. There was a sharp pain in my side; I stumbled down the lobby steps and fell to my knees. Someone yelled then I heard voices. I looked down and saw blood soaking my blouse.

"This is my favorite blouse." I mumbled. There was no way I'd be able to sow this up. I felt lightheaded and slowly let myself fall back until I rested against the floor.

The voices were louder but I didn't care. The lights on the ceiling were mesmerizing. It was like a quarts crystal hanging in a window when the sun hits it. All the different colors it threw off were dancing across the ceiling. I reached my hand to them. One by one the glowing rainbows drifted down until they pooled around my finger tips. I felt a heavy jolt push me down and the rainbow rushed down my arm into my chest and I gasped. There was pain but there was also bliss. I saw things in that one moment that I can't begin to explain. Some of those I don't even remember.

The clang of metal invaded my hearing and I sat up quickly. I looked around to see the others fighting and quickly got to my feet. I'd lost the sword and reached for the dagger when I saw Angel go down. I ran to help him hoping I'd be fast enough to stop the man from stabbing him.

I was two steps away, already reaching for the man, when a bolt thudded into his back. I turned to see Fred reaching for another one then a man tackled her.

"You good?" I asked Angel. He nodded getting to his feet. I grabbed the lead weight on the counter and threw it at another man. It hit him in the face; blood spurted from the crevasse it made. The man twitched on the ground then lay still.

I grabbed up a set of three-pronged-fork looking knives and ran to help Fred when I saw another one come in through the side door.

"Make it challenging, run!" I yelled at him hoping he would. I felt like a little sport. The man flinched and actually thought about it as I ran to him. For a moment I thought he would turn and flee but then I was there. I slashed once across then up with the other hand. The cross bow clattered to the floor and he looked at me. There was fear in his eyes as he slid to the ground.

Angel had Fred and Lorne followed Gunn out of Wes' office. I looked to the doors where the man had been then at the others.

I had to find them.

"Phade!" Angel called as I ran out of the Hyperion.

««««« »»»»»»

I drove to Wesley's apartment only to find it empty. There was nothing there that could tell me where he'd gone or what he thought to do.

I left wondering what to do next.

"Where would he go?" I asked myself.

The street was dark even with the lights from the park across the street. I'd had to park almost two blocks down in order to avoid the others. Someone would eventually come here just as I had.

"Please, Wes. Pick up, pick up." I mumbled as I called his cell. After the fourth ring I hung it up and tried again watching the screen. I kept hearing the ringing, twice, three times, four… There was a faint echo which at first I didn't notice. The voicemail picked up and the echo came once more before it stopped.

I jerked right almost dropping my cell. "Wes?" I whispered. I redialed and waited for the ringing. Once more I heard the faint echo somewhere in the direction of the park.

"So not possible." I mumbled as I quickly crossed the street. I hung up just before the voice mail picked up and dialed again. I followed the echo to a tree. At its base glowed Wesley's cell phone as it continued to ring. I turned towards the lights and hid behind the tree. I heard Gunn and Fred run to the building; once they were inside I let out my breath and looked down.

"Wesley!" I ran the few steps to him and dropped down to my knees. "Christ! What the hell-!"

There was blood all over his shirt collar and on his hands. He'd obviously tried to stanch the flow. I was scared, ready to panic, never having seen so much blood. A different night threatened to invade my mind and paralyze my body but I couldn't do that. Not again.

"So much blood." I moaned. What was I supposed to do?

"Hospital! You-!" I patted his shoulder and clumsily got to my feet. "You need a hospital! Hang on! Don't you die!" I yelled to him as I ran towards my car. I tried not to think of how I'd ran before. Of how useless that had been…

"Don't die. Don't die. Don't die. Please don't die." I kept repeating to myself as I drove my car to the other side of the street and into the park. I slid to a stop next to the tree and jumped out. I fumbled with the passenger door as I opened it then ran to Wesley.

"Come on, sweetie. Get up. We have to get you to a hospital. Come on." I got him up and in the car hoping neither Gunn nor Fred had seen the crazy person drive their car into the park or see me driving out.

The sound of screeching metal made me flinch. Something had definitely gotten broken but I didn't care. All I wanted was to get him to a hospital. I didn't want a repeat, I couldn't-. I glanced at Wesley.

 _'Something was broken, alright.'_


	7. Alliances

**_For now Phade has difficult choices to make and lots of people to rub the wrong way. Wonder why it's always her fault? In the meantime Phade plays nursemaid._ **

**««««« »»»»»»**

It took them two days to find him-us. What they told me about what happened only confirmed my fear. If I had called and told them where he was Angel would've come intent on murder. I couldn't blame him, if it had been me, and I didn't know the reasons Wesley'd had…

I sighed leaning back in the chair. My back was sore and I still wore the clothes from that night. I'd washed the blood form my hands and most of it out of my blouse though it was ruined. Still, nobody wanted to see me walk around all bloody.

The door opened gently and Fred poked her head in. "Hi." She came in, quietly closing the door behind her. "How is he?"

I yawned stretching my arms then stood up. "He'll be fine. He lost a lot of blood and his trachea suffered severe damage. It'll be a while before he'll be able to speak." I smoothed the covers pulling them a little higher on Wesley.

I caught Fred's look and shrugged. "I can empathize."

"He should've come to us." Gunn spoke from the doorway.

"Gunn…" Fred pleaded. I shook my head.

"He's right." I looked at Gunn. "The Father will kill the Son." I tilted my head just a little. "In his place, you would have done something different?" I could see them both shift uncomfortably with my question. "Would you go to the one person whom you thought would do such a thing?"

"Wesley should've of told us. Maybe not Angel but he could've told us." Gunn stubbornly stood his ground.

"You don't know Angel." I replied. "You don't know what he's done in the past or what he's capable of." I pointed at Wes who still slept.

" _He_ does. _He_ knows Angel better than any of us. _He_ knows of _Angelus_." I stared him down and Fred pulled him out of the room. They knew I was right and they didn't like the taste these circumstances left in their mouth.

I sighed, completely drained and exhausted. Lines were being drawn, everyone was taking sides, drawing together, making alliances. Question was; what side was I on?

««««« »»»»»»

I sipped the coffee slowly wondering what I had done to end up here. Was my life going to get better after this or was I not at the bottom of the barrel, yet?

I made my way slowly to Wesley's room. Fred had said Angel was coming and in a way I was worried about this meeting. Would Angel be able to forgive him? Could I, in his place?

The elevator doors opened on the fifth floor and I threaded my way through patients and hospital staff.

"Code Blue! Code blue!" an orderly in blue smocks ran past me. I frowned following him slowly. The chairs where Fred and Gunn had been sitting in were empty and my frown deepened. They wouldn't have left.

An orderly flew out of Wesley's room and I heard all the commotion. I dropped my coffee and sprinted to the door. I ducked a flying fist then pushed my way inside.

"Get off him!" I yelled at Angel. Gunn and two orderlies were having a hard time getting Angel off of Wesley. I shoved my way to Angel and grabbed his jacket with both hands. The machines were beeping loudly and everyone was yelling. There was chaos all around me.

"Get- off!" I grunted as I pulled Angel away from the bed. The orderlies and Gunn took his arms and I pushed his chest to get him out of the door.

"You took my son! YOU TOOK MY SON!" Angel screamed pulling out of their grasp as he rushed towards Wes again. I put myself between them taking Angel's weight on me. I hit the bed on my side with a grunt and pushed against him. The orderly grabbed one arm and Gunn barely got a hold of his chest. With his free arm, Angel tried to get Wesley. He flailed and managed to hit me. I fell aside hearing him scream.

"I'll never forgive you! Never… I'LL KILL YOU!"

I got up slowly hearing the sound of things being knocked over. Fred was still screaming and crying, completely useless. My hip stung and my face felt hot where Angel had hit me. I didn't think he cared or even felt a little bit guilty about it.

"YOU'RE A DEAD MAN! YOU HEAR ME? DEAD!" Angel's voice floated into the room as the nurses and doctor began to help Wes breathe.

He gasped for air looking up at the ceiling. I was worried this would send him into a guilt ridden depression which he wouldn't be able to pull himself out of.

I stayed another night just a little bit afraid to go back to the Hyperion. After the scene and getting smacked I wasn't sure how the others would feel if they saw me walk in. Then again, maybe they'd packed all my stuff up and set in the lobby for me to pick up.

Wes shifted uncomfortably in his sleep. He opened his eyes and looked around.

"Hey, you ok?" I sat down by his side taking his hand in mine. I tried to smile hoping he'd smile back or at least try to.

He closed his eyes and when he opened them again they were shiny with tears.

"I know. I know." I said smoothing his hair back. I lay my hand gently on his cheek and rested my forehead against his. "You did what you thought was right, Wes." I felt him shake and his arm circled my back. Once more I found myself in his arms offering comfort.

I felt the loss of the baby, imagining he were mine. Putting Sebastían in his place and felt the gut wrenching pain Angel probably felt.

I thought of Wesley, how he must feel.

"He'll understand. He will." I whispered.

One day, I hoped, they would get past this.

««««« »»»»»»

I was tired, my eyes felt like I'd poured sand in them and I smelled. I sniffed my blouse and grimaced.

"Oh, so stinky." I mumbled walking into the lobby. I sighed looking around at the mess of papers strewn all about the reception area and the box. I let out a sigh. None of it was mine; they hadn't packed it up, yet.

"Hello?" I called out tentatively. No one answered. I took a step down then changed my mind. I looked like shit and probably smelled a bit like it, too. I turned going up the stairs to my suite. A bath, a change of clothes and I'd be good.

"Ready to face the firing squad."

««««« »»»»»»

I walked downstairs tugging on my jackets sleeve and feeling extremely nervous. What would they say? What about Angel? Was he angry that I'd stayed with Wesley? Did he take that as a sign of betrayal? Damn! Why did I have to choose a side?

I had no idea what to expect downstairs and had taken the time to dress- well, was there any particular way to dress for this occasion?

Still, I'd gone through my closet at least three times until I'd found the blouse. It was dark plumb colored with a boat neck just wide enough to hang off my shoulder and quarter sleeves. I wore my cutest pair of jeans with the shiny threaded back pockets. The wide leather belt hung off my hips in a hapzardly fashion over the long hem of the blouse. I carried the leather jacket over my left arm with the strap of my bag over my shoulder. I'd let my hair air dry and it cascaded down my back with its natural wave. I didn't wear much make up though I had taken the time to highlight my eyes.

I wore the black cuff over the rune still hiding it. With everything that had happened no one had asked about the tings I'd done. Only Wesley knew and he couldn't speak.

I went down the stairs slowly not really wanting to deal with the situation and, also, so the heels of my boots wouldn't catch on a step. I really didn't want to fall, either.

Most of them were in the lobby. I could see Cordelia was back since the Grooselaug was sitting at the reception desk. I stopped at the entrance and looked around. Gunn and Lorne were putting more files away.

"Greetings!" Groo got up and came forward. "How may I service you?"

"What?" I frowned.

 _'Did this freak just make a pass at me with his service me question?'_

"Oh, easy sweetie." Lorne came around the reception desk and gently shooed the Grooselaug away. To me he asked; "Where've you been, sugar plum?"

"I- uhm." I smiled nervously and shrugged. Just then Fred came in looking bummed.

"Oh!" she stopped short seeing me. I wondered if they would all have sort of the same reaction.

"Hi." I said.

"Hi." She replied.

We stood there, looking at each other uncomfortably.

"Where've you been?" Gunn asked as he picked up another set of files.

"Uh, just out." Fred looked nervously at all of us. I flinched at her glance.

"You," I narrowed my eyes tilting my head a little and concentrated on the images she was shooting out.

Fred carrying a box. Fred setting it on a chair. Wesley in the hospital room packing. Wesley touching his neck. Fred leaving.

"What did you do?" I asked her. Something about the way Wesley had been standing, his look, it had been… something was wrong.

"I-nothing!" Fred stepped away from me and I snatched her hand to hold her.

"Bull shit! You saw Wes." I pulled her closer. "What did you do?" I asked once more. I could see her guilty face as she tried to pry my hand off.

"Nothing! I just took some of his things." I let her go and she avoided my eyes. Gunn came up behind her as she stepped down to the lobby. He held her protectively glaring at me.

"The prophecy was a lie." Lorne spoke softly. I saw his sad eyes plead with me not to cause more trouble. "It was meant for Sahjahn. Angel was never a threat to Conner."

I turned my anger on Fred. "You told him didn't you?" but she wouldn't look at me. I went down the steps quickly and pulled on her arm to face me. "You told him!"

"Hey!" Gunn shoved my hand away and I turned my anger on him.

"Back off!" I glared at them. Fred gasped and both took a step away. "You're so damn happy together cant you let him at least find some peace? If something happens to him…" I warned.

"He's a grown man, Phade. He made his choices; he can live with the consequences." Gunn retorted.

"Can you?" I asked though I was mainly asking Fred. "What bothers you is he made a choice and didn't include you." She flinched from me and I turned disgusted towards the entrance. At the door I turned back to them looking at everything. It all looked so…fake. I was disappointed in them and myself. I knew there was something I could've done to make things different but I hadn't. Now, this is the way it would be and I didn't like it. It wasn't fair.

"This is loyalty, then."

I closed the door gently behind me feeling even more tired. I felt old. Why couldn't they all forgive?

««««« »»»»»»

I helped Wesley get home wondering if I should even bring up his whole encounter with Fred and her loose tongue. Just thinking about her made me angry all over again. Who could do such a thing?

Wesley touched my arm and I quickly turned my attention to him. The doctor had said there was no more infection and he could begin to speak again in a few days depending on how fast he healed.

 _'I can help with that.'_

I smiled up at him setting down the bag of medication on his table and hurrying to help him with the box. Even injured the English gentle man in him wouldn't let me carry it.

"It looks…lonely." I said glancing around the apartment. "Are you sure you'll be ok?" I asked. Wesley nodded and I sighed heavily.

"Ok. If you need anything just-." I hesitated. It wasn't like he'd be able to call. "Text me, alright?"

He gave me a small smile and I felt just a little relieved. I hoped he knew there was still one friend for him at the Hyperion. I yawned rubbing my face as I headed to the door. I took my jacket and purse from the chair by his door and yawned once more.

"Sorry." I apologized as Wes took my jacket and bag. "Hey, what gives Mr.?" I smiled reaching for my things only for him to pull them out of my reach.

"Wesley." He ignored my whiny complaint and gently tugged me to the living room as he set my things on the chair again.

"What are you doing?" I asked curiously. "You need something?" I asked concerned. He shook his head 'No' and continued past the living room to another door. It was half open and I could see it was his bedroom. "Hey, now." I raised my eyebrow at him still going in. What was he going to do to me?

 _'Not a hell of a lot the way he is now.'_ I thought then wondered. Did I want him to do something to me?

"Huh?" I asked. Wesley motioned to the bed again. At my frown he shook his head pointing from me to the bed and from him to the living room.

"What? No!" I exclaimed. "Are you kidding? I won't take your bed while you go to the couch! You're the one who's hurt." I pushed him towards the bed. "You stay there. I'm going back to the Hyperion." Once more he shook his head 'No' and adamantly pointed to the bed.

"Wesley!" we struggled for a bit each trying to get the other to rest on the bed. "Really, I'm n-Aah!" I must've pushed him a little too hard because he toppled onto the bed and pulled me along with him. I tried not to hurt him and we ended up tangled in each other. I kinda laughed and so did he. I sat up quickly at his chocking, worried he was hurt.

"Don't laugh!" I ordered. He looked at me with this look as if saying; _"You think?"_ then rolled his eyes.

I couldn't help it, I laughed. It seemed to lighten the mood for the moment and I lay next to him. "You know. First time I saw you I thought you were some snobby rich man." I turned onto my side and looked at him with a little smile. "Kinda thought you were hot, too."

Wesley turned to me and arched an eye brow.

"Don't go getting a big head over this." I said then blushed. "I didn't mean literally. I meant-. I-. You know what I meant. Quit being smug." I gently smacked his shoulder.

There was a mischievous glimmer in his eyes and I was relieved to say the least. For the moment every thing else was forgotten.


	8. Cat Fight!

**_So you think its going that way huh? Keep reading and find out if your right but for now who do you think would win in a 'fair' fight? Cordelia or Phade?_ **

**««««« »»»»»»**

I went back to the Hyperion still feeling uneasy. No one took any blame for the things that happened. They lay it all at Wesley's door. For my part, I felt my share of the guilt too. I had known about the prophecy, it didn't matter how long I'd known, I hadn't said anything. I'd trusted him to do the right thing, keeping quiet, like a coward.

"I'm just as guilty."

I took a deep breath and walked in. Gunn and Fred sat huddled together as usual while the Groo watched Cordelia from the reception desk. She was the first to stand.

"Back from your sabbatical?" she asked sarcastically. I wasn't in the mood for her stupidity but I couldn't help answering back.

"Finally ended the com-shuck vacation?" I strode towards the reception desk seeing the others turn to me. "Kinda quick, ey?"

Angel stood up from Wesley's desk coming out.

"Hey! I was on vacation. You just disappeared!"

I ignored her and nodded at Angel as I tried to keep my calm. She just rubbed me the wrong way. Then something stupid came out of her mouth and I couldn't help it.

"You wanna talk about short?" she asked. "At least I had more than two days and I didn't have to abandon my kid."

I turned to her scowling angrily.

"Listen you bottle-blond-stick-up-your-ass-BITCH!" I could feel the intense silence in the hotel then Cordelia's red face seemed to expand until it took up all my view as if she were the only thing that existed.

 _'It's just like her too.'_

"This," she pulled a strand of short blond hair away from her head and shook it. "Was very expensive! And so not from a bottle-."

"Don't think I won't put you down!" both of us were yelling, getting louder by the second. The others were coming closer; I suppose they thought to keep us from actually touching one another.

"Put down! Listen you-." Cordelia came around the reception desk and I slammed my bag and things onto its counter.

"My son is none of your business like most things you keep shoving your big, pointy nose in!" we were getting in each others faces, now.

"Pointy!" Cordelia exclaimed clutching at her nose. "This." She pointed to it. "is perfection. I've been fought over, been made princess…" she was counting off all these things on her fingers which I couldn't care less about.

"And you can have any guy you want, I just bet!" the sarcasm in my voice was laced with venom and my next words just did it. "At least I can still count mine on one hand." I shoved my open hand towards her face. "You need an abacus, if you can count that high or don't you remember!"

Cordelia closed her mouth seeming to hold her breath.

My face stung.

At that moment things seemed to slow down and I could see myself reach back with an open hand and slap her.

I was angry, not just because of what she said or because she hit me. It was everything combined, it just wasn't fair. But this, this she had coming to her.

Cordelia gasped, tried to move but I was faster. I saw her turn with the blow then time sped up and she hit the counter, bouncing off and landing on the floor, limp. Everyone's collective gaps echoed in my head.

 _'What did I do?'_ I wondered. Suddenly I was swept off my feet and carried away from her. I knew I struggled to get loose. I could see Angel loose his grip on me a couple of times but it wasn't me. How could it be when I was seeing him struggle with me?

I'm sure it makes sense if you think about it.

He managed to get me into the kitchen and threw me against the counter. He was saying something and I noticed the lack of sound. I couldn't hear anything and-.

 _'What the hell is wrong with my eyes!'_

They were glowing a dim red then they flickered to an orange to yellow. For a moment my eyes went completely black, like the Groo, except mine shimmered with little sparks.

Was I one of those?

"Ah!" I clutched my hip, digging my fingers into the flesh as it burned. I fell back as if I'd been shoved, sound rushed in with a loud echo in my head.

It hurt.

"Dammit, Phade!" Angel yelled. As I looked up I could see the scowl on his face and I thought maybe this once I probably went too far. I'll admit it was a little frightening having an angry vampire that close to me. What if he lost it and just bit into me? I still didn't know a whole lot about the soul thing or his shanshu.


	9. Disclosure

**_You cant keep secrets for ever and not every one is as innocent as they'd want to be. Phade finds herself becoming some one else and she's not sure that's a bad thing. The others have a different opinion…_ **

**««««« »»»»»»**

Angel sat in 'his' office with me in a corner while Gunn stood sentry by the door.

 _'As if he could stop me.'_ I thought feeling a bit smug. 'He's weak. Nothing but a fly to swat away.' I turned to Angel. _'At least he's a challenge.'_

Fred was upstairs with the Groo and her. I had no regrets. She deserved it and she did hit me first.

"So you're not possessed." Gunn's sarcastic voice broke in on my thoughts. I could see they were still angry.

 _'Oh well. They have two jobs then, being mad and getting happy again.'_

"No." I sat back in the chair still keeping my hand over my hip. It ached dully now though it still throbbed, sort of like a heart beat. As far as being possessed I couldn't say so for sure but I wasn't going to admit it to them.

"It was a rune spell, meant to heal me faster." I looked at Angel. "When I thought about it I realized it wouldn't be enough so I got stronger." That was true.

"Figures." Gunn shifted slightly getting a better grip on the ax. I could see Angel shift his glance from him to me thinking. It was difficult to get a clear picture of his thoughts even though I was trying. I could vaguely see him remember the night I shoved him and then a quick glimpse of the hospital.

 _'So he does feel some kind of remorse over that night.'_

He'd hit me and I'd thought he hadn't noticed so intent was he on murdering Wes.

"I could see everything as it happened but it wasn't me. I'm not sure I know what- how to- I don't know." I shook my head letting out a breath. I really didn't know how to explain what I saw.

"Your eyes were different." Angel stated. I had hoped he hadn't noticed but him being a vampire… yeah, guess it doesn't work that way.

"Yeah, I saw that." I shrugged not knowing what to say. He was expecting some kind of explanation; I could see that but really! What was I supposed to say?

"How did you find it? The spell." He didn't even move and it was weird how he didn't breathe.

"Just some book. I picked it up in old town by the back alleys." I grimaced at the painfully bright flash in my brain. Gunn walking through the back alleys in old town looking for some answers and me right behind 'em.

 _'That's right you took me there. Take some of the blame now, fucker.'_

"How long?" Angel asked.

"Huh?" I blinked trying to focus on him once more. It was becoming more difficult to concentrate on the things I had to do. I found myself daydreaming and then not noticing time pass by. Once I was sitting at my desk typing and suddenly Wes touched my shoulder to get my attention. When I could understand what he was saying I noticed my screen. There was nothing there; none of the work I had done was there. At least I thought I had done some work.

"How long ago did you do that?" he repeated.

"Uuh, a month maybe, just after the- when you guys went to the ballet." I was going to say it was after I got swatted aside by the Nahdrans but why remind them of that?

"Get rid of them."

"What?" I turned to Gunn.

"Get rid of them. Undo the spell." He repeated.

I stood up not liking his tone.

"I don't take orders well so you better think about what-."

"He's right." Angel stood up and came around the desk. He stood between us looking down at me. This was one of the times I didn't like tall men. Somehow glaring up at them wasn't as effective as glaring down at them.

"Where's everyone?" we heard Lorne in the lobby.

"Here." Angel called out to him but didn't move. I sighed knowing there would be one more member of their team to gang up on me.

Yeah, I still think of myself as an individual. Who in their right mind wants to be part of this crazy unit?

Lorne came up behind Gunn and tried to get by. He cleared his throat. "How bout some walking space big guy? I'm not as slim as I used to be."

Gunn shifted slightly and Lorne squeezed past. I turned away going into my corner while Lorne tried to figure out what was going on. I kept my mouth shut and my back to them as Gunn told him what had happened. I felt their eyes on me but stubbornly kept my eyes glued to the wall in front.

 _'Ooh, spell books…'_ I almost reached for one before I remembered I wasn't alone. They hadn't packed up all of Wesley's books yet. At least not the ones they planned on using. They sure as hell wanted those.

"Phade, crumb cakes, you really didn't-." Lorne began but Gunn didn't let him finish what I'm sure was some sort of deniable question about what I did.

"She's been laying hands on us since day one!" Gunn turned to Angel. "Now she's freekin' Hulk and beating up on Cordy-."

"Hey!" I turned around. "I'm not green-!"

"What's wrong with being green?" Lorne threw his hands up obviously tired with our disparaging comments. After all, he was the only green demon in the office.

"Sorry." Both Gunn and I turned to apologize at the same time before continuing to argue with each other. If I hadn't been so mad I would've probably laughed at Lorne's expression. Of everyone at the Hyperion, Lorne was the only one who made me feel welcome, even if he did scare me the first time I saw him.

"Enough." Angel's voice cut through our voices and silenced the argument. Gunn didn't look too happy and I sure wasn't but I didn't think hitting him would do me any good.

 _'What's with me hitting people all of a sudden? I'm getting to like throwing down.'_

"She can't get rid of them." Lorne told them. Once more I had blanked out and returned half way through the conversation. I tried to pay attention as Lorne explained how the runes worked. After all he was the one who explained the process to me.

"It's kind of like a talisman only it's bonded to her. Specifically." Lorne sat down on the edge of the desk.

"Bonded how? What do you mean?" Angel paced to the door then back to the desk, this time, he wasn't brooding.

"It works as an amulet of sorts, a mix between magic and, well, faith." Lorne motioned me forward and I knew he wanted to show them the rune. I moved slowly unbuckling the cuff around my wrist. Now that they were going to see it I felt sort of… naked, I guess.

I turned my wrist over so Angel could see the rune. It glittered black under the soft skin of my fore arm.

"See all the connecting lines? There's no beginning, no end, just a continuous prayer." I followed the pattern with my eyes not paying attention to the others.

"Looks like a fancy tattoo." I said.

"I want to know more about this." Angel spoke to Lorne. Me? I was busy seeing the glittering light show on my wrist but I heard them.

"You're not-."

"We have work to do." Angel cut off Gunn's protest. I'm sure he was going to say they should get rid of me, as in send me packing.

"You're going to need help casting some spells and finding passages in books only Wesley would be able to translate for you." I pried my gaze away from my wrist and looked at Angel. His jaw clenched at the name but I didn't care.

"We can handle it." Gunn stood taller holding on to his ax. "We don't need his help for nothin'."

"You'll eat your words." I didn't look at him. I could tell Angel didn't like hearing about Wes but he wasn't saying anything.

"Mom!" out in the lobby Sebastían's voice startled me. I turned to the door but couldn't see past Gunn's big frame so I went to the window and pulled the blinds down.

"Shit!" the blinds crinkled as I clutched them tighter. It was Sebastían… and right behind him was; "My Dad."

 _'What the hell are they doing here?'_

I glanced nervously over my shoulder and saw Lorne. "Shit!" I pushed away from the window and grabbed Lorne practically yanking him off the edge of the desk. He made a squeak sort of noise as I looked for a place to hide him.

"Seriously, she needs to stop laying hands on us." Gunn warned though he kept his distance.

 _'Chocolate boy is afraid of me. That's good.' I thought._

"Phade," Angel began.

"If my Dad sees you he's going to have a heart attack!" I exclaimed still clutching Lorne. "Where do I hide you?" I asked him.

"Jaden, donde estas?"

"Oh shit!" My Dad's voice was getting closer and I was ready to stuff Lorne into a filing cabinet if I had to. This wasn't- hell, I had proof but I couldn't do that to the old man. I'd kill him for sure!

"Help me!" I hissed at Angel. I felt Lorne gently place his hands on my shoulders and I turned to him.

"Let go." He said. I nodded following his nodding head and loosed my hold on his lapels. He turned me around and sent me towards the door past Gunn. "You go say hello and I'll stay right here." He said.

"Uh-huh." I nodded not sure what I was doing. Somehow seeing my Dad in the Hyperion's lobby was freaking me out. Anything could happen here and I didn't think his heart could take something like this. He was the only parent I had left even if -.

"Old people are kinda frail." I said over my shoulder to Lorne.

"Not all of them, sugar. Now go before he decides to come looking for you." He gave me one last push out the door and I heard Sebastían shout. I turned pasting a huge smile on my face.

"Jaden?" I heard Gunn ask the others.

 _'Crap. Why does he always use my middle name?'_ I groaned inwardly.


	10. Visions

**_The others begin to worry about Phade and her new found 'abilities' not to mention she's starting to scare them. Phade for her part realizes she's made another mistake in trusting the wrong person. What will that cost her._ **

**««««« »»»»»»**

After everything was talked through and thought about then debated over the final decision of what to do with me was undecided, by Angel. The others knew exactly what they wanted to do with me.

I was a traitor for having sided with Wes and a danger because I knocked Cordelia out. I was out of control because of my spell and they just didn't want to deal with me. Angel on the other hand wanted to use me. At first I had been offended by the idea then realized he was being smart. It sort of made sense once I thought about it. What leader, good leader, would let a resource like me go away? I was his strongest soldier and he needed all of us.

"I'm not his pawn." I mumbled thinking of my family. My Dad had finally met the others, well two of them. I still wondered what his reaction would have been at seeing Lorne. I shook my head. That would not have been a good idea.

"Heart attack for sure." But at least he couldn't have said I was a liar.

Traffic wasn't heavy at this hour and it made my drive easier not to mention shorter. I found a parking spot not far from the front door and got out. It was one of those sunny California days with the smog and pollution.

 _'Yep, I'm in such a good mood I can't stand myself.'_ I thought walking up the steps and into the building. This was becoming a habit with me, coming to Wesley's apartment. I usually came to check up on him and stayed to make lunch or dinner. He didn't really need me to check up on him but I was comfortable around him and so was Sebastían. Not to mention he got more homework done with Wes than he ever did with me. Why is it boys listen more to the men than the Mom? I hate that.

"Wes," I hung my keys on the hooks by the door with my sweater and sunglasses. "Hope you're hungry because I'm about to start cooking." I made my way to the kitchen and began to pull out pots. I set the cutting board on the counter and got the vegetables from the refrigerator.

"Hey," I glanced over my shoulder to the living room but he still hadn't come out. "Wesley." I left the things on the counter and went towards the bedroom wiping my hands on the towel. I could hear the shower running as I got closer.

"Uum, Wes?" I knocked lightly hesitating before I pushed the door open. I was getting more uncomfortable as I stepped in. There was a blinding flash and for a moment I couldn't see but I did, sort of.

I smelled them, could hear their voices, the rustle of the sheets and as I blinked against the flash of light I saw them.

"Aah!" I gasped turning my face away like some kid, unfortunately, walking in on their parents. "Eew!" I stumbled out of the room pulling the door closed behind me. I couldn't believe what I had seen!

 _'How could he?'_ I thought knowing exactly how he could having seen him being able to just now. It's not like we were- well we weren't but- Shit! I turned to glare at the door. _'You fucker!'_ I smacked it with my open palm and heard his yell. There was the sound of something falling but I didn't care. All I wanted was to get out.

Behind, I heard the door open and just as I was reaching for the knob the other door opened. I could hear every sound clearly and the sound of his voice was loud in my head. I cringed pulling the front door open and stopped short.

She smiled lowering her arm. "Hello." She glanced over my shoulder at Wes and I grabbed the side of my head with a gasp.

 _'Why does it hurt so much?'_ I wondered,

I could see Wes was in a towel and not happy seeing us. He was sort of glaring-.

"Hiya, lover." She moved past and the blinding pain intensified for a moment. I turned to Wesley with a fierce glare.

"A lawyer?" my voice shook with anger.

"Is it obvious?" Lilah asked me. I didn't answer her. I could see exactly what and who she was and I didn't like her at all.

"Lilah." Wesley warned before turning to me once more. He took a couple of steps towards us and I turned to the door.

"Aw, I thought we were going to have some fun. Why don't you stay-?"  
Lilah placed her hand on my shoulder.

"No!" Wesley reached out his hand as if to stop her but he was too far away.

I turned grabbing on to her wrist and twisting her arm up behind her. She screamed in pain as I pushed her to her knees and pulled her arm up between her shoulder blades. I grabbed a fistful of perfectly coifed hair and pulled her head back cutting off her scream. I could see her crying and smiled inwardly.

"Bitch, I will gut you and hang them in your fucking office while you watch if you so much as lay a hand on me again." I shoved her forward letting go. Lilah landed on her face just a little outside of the apartment. I pushed her aside with my foot on my way out not bothering to look back.

"Phade," Wesley kept his hands to himself as I glanced at him. He looked sort of sad and maybe embarrassed but really, what was he thinking?

"Not just any lawyer, it had to be one from the wolf ram and heart." I waited a breath hoping for some sort of remorse or a sign that this was just another vision I was having.

His jaw clenched and he put his hand on the door frame.

"I've been playing advocate for you to the others and taking shit so you can fuck this." I pointed at Lilah who was sitting by the door cleaning her bloody nose and trying to right her hair. "Hope you enjoy what you're getting more than what you had."

Wesley said nothing just quietly closed the door leaving me in the sunless hall way. I felt cold and some how- I don't know, there was this sense of something bad coming. Something big and it was definitely going to hurt.

"Time to prepare for the pain." I said to myself leaving the hallway and this part of my life behind.

There were things I needed to do.


	11. Ambush

**_There are some things you just don't mess with and a mom is one of those no matter what the species. You fuck with the cubs you piss off the tigress and your bony ass better run._ **

**««««« »»»»»»**

"Mom, can we get ice cream? I want chocolate-no! strawberry!" Sebastían jumped up and down smiling.

"I don't think you need more sugar-." I began. The idea was to spend the whole day together just having fun.

"Please! Pleeease!" he hung on to my arm walking on his toes as he leaned in. I kinda smiled and he let go, knowing I'd get him the damn ice cream. It was a nice day to be out and it was even better for shopping. As usual it was just him and me. It was the way I liked it and Bastían never seemed to mind us hanging out without anyone in the way. This was my quality alone time with him.

 _'I shouldn't get it just on principle.'_ I thought. He was going to have more sugar later anyway once we went to the pier and then to the movie. _'Damn, I need to hurry.'_

It was Saturday so the others were most likely at the hotel researching some demon or other and if not then I didn't know what the hell they were doing but I could guess.

Gunn and Fred would be staring into each others eyes like some lovesick fools, the Groo and his love would be com-shuking and poor Angel would either be sitting and brooding or standing and brooding but he'd definitely be brooding.

Thinking about him I felt kinda sad. I could tell he was trying to hide it from us, how he felt. It wouldn't take much for him to loose it in a fight which is why I tended to be more careful in our training sessions.

"I still can't believe he insists on that." I grumbled shaking my head. Sebastían got his ice cream and I gave him the money to pay. He was getting good at that and I wondered why he couldn't improve on his reading.

««««« »»»»»»

"Wow! That was so cool!" Sebastían exclaimed as we walked out of the theater. He had enjoyed the movie and was talking about it as if hadn't been there. Which was good because I hadn't really seen any of it. I was too busy thinking, remembering and trying to explain it to myself.

"Mom!" Sebastían whined. He crossed his arms over his chest and frowned.

"Que paso?" I glanced down absently then my phone rang. I pulled it out of my purse as we walked and flipped it open. I groaned seeing the number.

"Hi." I listened for a moment.

"You're not listening!" Sebastían complained but I was looking around at the parking lot. I had this sudden sense of déjà vu and frowned.

"Hush, baby…" I put a hand on his shoulder pushing him a little behind me ignoring his complaints. "Here," I handed him the phone.

"Talk to your Dad "

There was a truck parked up a head and a couple of big SUV's across from it blocking the view to my car.

 _'Perfect for an ambush.'_ I thought walking past it.

"Dad? We saw a movie and it was cool! They guy with the-!""

Bitch!" a man jumped out from behind us and I pulled Sebastían away. The man swung at me and I ducked kicking him in the chest. The man flew back and landed on the asphalt face down unmoving. I pushed Sebastían between the SUV's and turned to the other three men coming at us. One had a glowing nightstick.

"Not good, not good at all." I mumbled throwing my purse at Sebastían's feet. "Stay back!" I ordered him with a quick glance over my shoulder. As long as he stayed behind me and between the SUV's he'd be ok.

"Now, what's with y'all? You didn't like the movie?" I asked. They didn't say anything as the men rushed me. I ducked under an arm and barely avoided the nightstick. The third swung his fist at my face and I grabbed his wrist. I twisted it hearing the snap of bones as I pulled him around and threw him against the other two. It was kinda like bowling only instead of pins I was using pin-heads.

I looked around behind me for Sebastían but he was gone. He had to be hiding at least I hoped so. I rushed forward between the SUV's looking for him, suddenly the front door swung open behind me and knocked me down. I turned onto my back quickly and felt a sharp pain in my side. For a moment I couldn't breathe though I tried dragging in a breath as I kicked up. I could see four men trying to get at me but they didn't all fit between the SUV's.

I flipped to my feet feeling the ache in my ribs but other wise breathing normally again. It never ceased to amaze me how fast the runes worked, especially in healing the small aches. I grabbed the first one by his shirt and yanked him down. The shirt ripped and his nose broke against my knee. I shoved him aside and reached for the next one getting rid of three more before I felt the burning jolt of electricity on my spine.

I know I fell though I don't remember much after that or before his scream.I turned searching for him through the parking lot. I could see people coming and the bodies on the ground.

"Shit!" I wanted to run but I couldn't leave Sebastían and I didn't know where he was hiding though I heard his crying.

"Sebastían! Where are you? Sebastían!" I followed his voice to the dumpster. The crying increased and I looked in. He wailed louder seeing me.

««««« »»»»»»

The doctor was explaining Sebastían's injuries to me. I nodded at all the right moments but I couldn't help seeing in my head his smudged face all scratched up from being thrown in the dumpster. I blamed myself for his broken arm; if I had been paying more attention to him instead of the fight he wouldn't have been hurt.

I didn't know why we had been attacked but they weren't some regular guys, no, these were trained men, soldiers.

"The police men still need to speak to you Ms. Vartan. I've already answered their questions in regards to your son's injuries. Make sure you fill his prescription, he'll be in pain for the next couple of days but he'll be fine." The doctor handed me a piece of paper and patted my shoulder as he went to attend someone else.

I left Sebastían with the nurse, reluctantly and headed towards the pharmacy in the hospital. I had to go down two floors but at least I didn't have to drive out. I waited in line for about ten minutes before I dropped it off. The pick up line was longer and that would be at least a couple of hours.

As I headed up stairs again I wondered why me? Who were they and who sent them? The elevator doors opened to all the noise. I didn't get far before the boys in black stopped me for questioning.

"Ms. Vartan?"

"Yes." The first one was tall and younger than his partner. He looked kinda pale, his blond hair was just a little wavy and his blue eyes were framed by dark lashes. He was very handsome and so not my type, even though he was tall. Both wore the black uniforms and shiny black shoes that squeaked when they walked.

"We'd like to ask you a few questions." The older chubby officer pulled out a little notebook.

"We've already spoken to the doctor." The blond Apollo said. I looked at his name tag and arched an eyebrow.

 _'Rivera. Who would've thunk it.'_

"I don't know who they were or why we were attacked." I said. Both officers looked at each other.

"That's what you were going to ask." I shook my head. "Don't bother asking if there's anyone who has a grudge with me because there's too many to count and I wouldn't be able to say anyway."

"And why is that?" the older chubby officer asked. I glanced at his name tag as well. 'Santiago' it read.

"I work for a private investigation office. Our cases are sometimes a little out of the norm."

"What's the name for the company? Phone number as well."

I sighed, giving him the information. As if reading my thoughts, Rivera said; "I'd leave the police work to us." I turned to him with a slight frown.

"We'd appreciate if you'd come down and identify the man we're holding. The detectives will be questioning him about the attack but we'll need a statement from you."

I nodded thinking how much I wanted to talk to the man myself.

"We'll be in touch ma'am." Both officers walked past me. I looked over my shoulder as I headed towards Sebastían's room.

"Jaden!" My head snapped 'round at that. The only time he ever used my middle name was when he was pissed and this was not a good time for him to piss me off.

 _'Damn! I forgot he was on the phone.'_

"Shit! My phone!" I patted my pockets and looked in my jacket sighing heavily as Dante stalked towards me. I could see the anger in his face just as I felt it flowing from his body.

"What the hell is going on! And why aren't you picking up my calls?" he thundered stopping a hand span in front of me. I hated when he did that because then I had to look up, just like now, and see him glaring.

"First off," I began. "I don't have my cell. Ba-."

"Where's my son?" he turned to the nurses station and jabbed his hand in their direction. "They wouldn't give me any information because I'm not an 'immediate' family member."

I tried to tell him the nurse was just doing her job but he wouldn't hear me out.

"Since when is a Father not immediate family, Jaden? This is why I keep telling you to change his name. We wouldn't be having this problem and he wouldn't be in the hospital if you would let him live with me. What the hell were you doing in a dark parking lot in the middle of the night with my son?" he ranted.

"Oh, so now he's your son? Now you want him to have your name. You didn't say that when I was pregnant! You didn't want him! And he's not living with you because you care more about partying than you do him!" I was yelling at him and I didn't care who heard me. Who did he think he was to tell me _my_ son would be better off with him? Or to start claiming him now? He hadn't been there before.

"You know it's not even like that! I told you-."

"Bull shit! You don't even help me with him financially but you want to claim rights?" I pointed away still shouting. "Go make another child to leave fatherless until you feel like being a Dad!"

"Excuse me, excuse me."

"You can't take care of him! Look where you live! It's not fit-." Dante shouted.

"Excuse me!"

"WHAT!" We both turned, shouting at the doctor. I gasped realizing what I had done. I felt hot all over, my skin tingled, and it sort of felt the same as when I'd been hit with the taser.

"This is a hospital!" the doctor cleared his throat and lowered his voice. "You can't be yelling. Now," he ushered us towards the elevators. "You can go argue your problems outsid-."

"I want to see my son." Dante pulled out of the doctors grasp and turned to the nurse station again. "The nurse wouldn't let me in or give me any information-."

"I'm sure she's following hospital policy, sir. Calm down and we'll straighten this out." the doctor waved the nurse over as we walked towards the counter.

"Doctor Nash. I'm sorry but this gentle man doesn't come up in the child's records. I was waiting for his Mother to verify that he is-."

"You don't need to verify anything! I'm his Father!" Dante yelled. The poor nurse flinched away from him. I could understand her reaction; he's a tall guy and still looked well built even with the slight paunch.

The nurse narrowed her eyes slightly and asked; "Is this man the Father. Ms. Vartan?"

I didn't even hesitate. "No." I answered. I was definitely not giving him anymore rights. He didn't deserve them or my boy.

Dante slowly turned to me. Wave after wave of rage flowed off him but it didn't bother me.

"No, he's not."

"You'll have to leave the hospital, sir." The nurse waved two big orderlies over and I smiled inwardly. I could tell she was enjoying this and so was I.

"Jaden! You better re-think this." He glanced at the orderlies as they flanked him. "I'm his Father!"

"He doesn't even know you!" I retorted turning away from him. He'd be pissed for a while but he'd get over it eventually. He had no legal rights, just those I gave him. He spent time with Sebastían because I let him not because I had to. Sebastían was mine and nothing was going to change that.

"JADEN!"

What could he do?

««««« »»»»»»

The limo pulled up slowly following him to his car. Dante turned but couldn't see inside even the drivers window was dark. He stopped and waited for the limo to go by. It rolled past him slowing to a stop, the back window slid down with a gentle whirring noise.

A woman smiled up at him from inside. "Hello." She said.

"Hello." Dante frowned, he didn't know her, didn't know what she wanted but he was wary. In his line of work you tended to be very careful if you wanted to live past thirty or freely.

"You want something," she said still smiling. "and I can help you get it."

"What's that?" he asked.

"Your son."


	12. Dirty Thief

**_It's time for some payback and this one definitely hurts._ **

**««««« »»»»»»**

Cordelia looked up at the sound of the door opening.

 _'Finally! Some business!'_

"Can I help you?" she asked getting up and standing behind the counter. The young man walked towards her purposely then the door opened again and Cordelia frowned.

"I love what you've done with the place." Lilah looked around the lobby carefully avoiding the area where the pentagram was still visible. "Haven't been able to get that off, huh?"

Cordelia crossed her arms over her chest and frowned. "You can take your suits back the way you came. There's nothing here for you."

Lilah laughed, for once happy to deny her. "Oh, but you do." One of the suits stepped forward and handed her a folded paper which Cordelia ignored. Unfazed the young lawyer set it on the counter returning to his position next to the other two suits.

"Where's Phade?" the young man asked. Cordelia narrowed her eyes looking him up and down. Something about him seemed familiar but she knew she hadn't seen him before.

"I'm not her Mother."

««««« »»»»»»

"I don't have one." I went down to the lobby carefully looking them over. I recognized Lilah immediately but I didn't know what Dante was doing with her or the lawyers.

Dante snatched a paper from the counter and strode towards me. We met at the bottom of the stairs.

"Where's Sebastían?" he asked as he handed me the paper.

I had a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach as I opened the paper. "Upstairs." I said and began to read walking towards my desk. I had come down for a cd I needed.

 _"…the above named is ordered to immediately confer the above named minor to the above named until such a time as, by court mandate, legal custody of the above named minor has been established in a court of law."_

I continued to read the document without comprehension. The only thing in my head was that one little paragraph. He was going to take him from me.

I crumpled the paper in my hand and threw it in his face. "If you think-!" I began.

"Ooh, that's a legal document you've thrown away." Lilah tsked. I turned to her and saw her move away.

"Government property, you could get a fine." She smiled and I knew she would just love to see me in serious trouble.

"You fucking snake!" I screamed. I was enraged and didn't realize what I was doing. People where yelling and someone actually kept trying to hold me. Lilah kept behind her suits and Dante… where the hell was Dante?

I turned, searching the lobby for him but he was gone. I tried getting to the stairs but he wouldn't let me go.

"GET OFF!" I shoved with all my strength. When I saw the blurry face I felt just a little bit guilty for hurting Angel but the fact that he would heal quickly minimized it as I ran up the stairs.

"DANTE!"

I could hear the sound of running feet behind me but I didn't care. I just wanted to stop them.

««««« »»»»»»

He opened the door and smiled.

"Dad!"

Dante looked him over. Sebastían's hair was longer than he liked though the little boy wore it spiked up. He had gained some weight which was good.

 _'It's about time.'_ He thought as he took in his clothes. Dante shook his head at the t-shirt his son was wearing. It was black with a red long sleeve under shirt. There was a skeleton guy running across the front chasing something. Dante couldn't see it because it was on the back of his shirt. The jeans were loose almost baggy and rolled up at the bottom. Dante smiled seeing his bare feet.

Dante scooped him up in his arms. "Little man." He carefully took Sebastían's arm and tapped the cast. "How are you feeling?"

Sebastían shrugged. "It doesn't hurt." He pulled his cast out of Dante's hand and tried to stick his finger inside. "It's itchy."

Dante gave a soft laugh and hugged his son for a moment before setting him down.

"Hey, you want to come visit with me for a while?" he could see Sebastían hesitate. The little boy took a step away from him and looked over his shoulder.

Dante frowned. "You don't want to see your Nina? Or grandma?"

"Yes." Sebastían fidgeted. "But Mom…"

"She knows." Dante got to his feet and ushered Sebastían to his room. "Get your shoes. We're leaving."

"But my Mom-."

"She's downstairs waiting for us. Get your shoes Sebastían."

««««« »»»»»»

"GET OFF ME!" I yelled digging my elbow into something soft. There was a slight grunt and severe tightening around my ribs. "Let GO!" I grunted shoving loose. Angel grabbed me again and we rolled around on the second floor landing.

"He's not taking him!" I yelled getting to my knees. Angel jumped on me again. "Calm down. Ooph!"

"You calm down!" I jabbed my fist in his chest getting loose again. I grabbed onto the rails and pulled myself up. I didn't get far down the hallway before he grabbed me from behind and pulled me off my feet. I kicked and flailed around. Suddenly we found ourselves in another room.

I coughed spitting out pieces of plaster. There was a white cloud around us and it was difficult to breathe through the dust. The burning started at the back of my neck and the cloud cleared just enough that I could see the door. I stumbled out fast and went to my suite.

"Sebastían!" I ran through the living room past the kitchen to his room. His door was open and I noticed his back pack was gone.

"No." my heart thundered in my chest and I turned running out the door again. He never went anywhere without that back pack, especially on a trip. He had all his favorite games in there not to mention comics.

"Umph!" Angel's weight knocked me down and stupidly enough my first instinct was to grab onto him. In his place I would've shoved me away but he actually tried to turn us so he would land first, instead. We landed on our sides in the middle of the hallway.

"I swear," I moved on top of him and held his arms down. "if you don't stop knocking me down the next time I will make sure you stay down." I glared getting up and moved away still facing him. "Permanently."

"They left."

I shook my head not believing him and ran down to the lobby. "Where are they?" I yelled taking the stairs two at a time. No one answered though they all turned to face the suits in the middle of the lobby heading directly towards me and the front doors.

"You." I stalked towards Lilah who flinched away from me. "Good. You're scared. That's real good."

One of the suits got in front of me. He started to say something that ended in a high squeak. I pulled my hand down and he jerked with the movement. I twisted his balls feeling something squish, like when you squeeze a banana through your fingers.

"Ugh…" I made a face and let go wiping my hand on his light gray suit. I moved towards Lilah once more while the two suits stepped out of my way.

"Give him back."

Lilah glanced nervously to the other suits but they shrugged and walked out taking their ball-less buddy with them. Lilah turned her back to me looking for help with Cordelia and Groo.

"Bad idea." Cordy smiled.

I grabbed Lilah's hair and yanked her backwards. She screamed more from fear than pain.

"Call your little friends and send my son back." I pulled her closer and whispered in her ear. "Don't forget what I told you at Wesley's." I pushed her away and she stumbled going down on her knees.

"I can't do that." Lilah cowered away from me as she got up.

"What do you mean, cant?" I stomped towards her only to be pulled back by Groo. He put himself between the bitch who managed to ruin my life with a piece of paper and I.

"Oh, honey no-." Cordelia began as I grabbed him by his shirt front and threw him aside.

"What the hell-!" she started. I cut her off with a cold look. "Stay out of this."

"You." I pointed to Lilah who scurried towards the door where I saw Angel coming down the last steps. I didn't want him getting in my way but I doubted my threat would keep him from it.

"Go." He told her.

"Wait a minute! I'm not done with her!" I yelled. "Get your evil-white ass back here!"

Angel stopped me at the steps and I tried to grab Lilah before she left. Too bad I missed, though not completely.

Lilah screeched grabbing at her face.

"You'll regret this. By the time I'm done with you he won't know who you are. You'll never see him again. You'll be begging-!" Lilah screamed at me as Lorne pushed her out the door.

I was screaming at her too though I doubt anyone could understand what either of us was saying. Angel held me down pretty good considering I was frantically trying to get out the door. He managed to carry me upstairs to my suite. Between he and Lorne they kinda explained why I shouldn't kill her. Telling me all the bad things that would happen if I did. Then started with Sebastían and I kicked them out.

"Get out! OUT!"


	13. Judge and Jury

**_This one is short due to the fact that Phade never really talked about it. Would you want to dwell on something like this._ **

**««««« »»»»»»**

I walked into the courthouse alone. My heels clicked on the tile floor as I went to the head of the court room and took my seat. The lawyer I could barely afford to pay was late which made the judge angry and didn't put him in my corner at all. I know Dante sat with the witch from the wolf ram and hart. For him this was payback for the little things I'd done and for her it was the humiliation of putting her down in front of Wesley. Petty shit really but that's what life is all about. Getting revenge on those who done you wrong even over the smallest shit you can remember or think you remember. Personally, as I sat there listening to the lawyer tell the judge about my lack of parenting skills and stability for my son let alone a safe home environment and even my job, all I could think of, all I could picture was tying Dante to a tree and peeling the skin from his body piece by piece. Towards the end of the judges ruling I had moved onto visualizing Dante walking over broken glass barefoot while carrying a heavy stone on his back going up a steep hill.

My God, I hated him with a passion just then and I didn't know if it would ever go away. I had gone from loving him and taking his shit for 5yrs without question to missing him and then to nothing except some kind of useless, unneeded affection just because he was Sebastían's father.

Now I didn't even have my son. I was completely alone…


	14. Aftermath

**_There's only one other who can empathize with her and not much either can do for the other._ **

****««««« »»»»»»** **

The moon shone brightly, outlining her shape in white. She sat in the window seat with her back to him but she knew he was there. Her hearing was just as good as his if not better. She was a good warrior for the Powers That Be even if only for a little while.

Neither spoke, neither moved from their places not needing to say anything.

Of everyone there only they knew the pain they felt because it was theirs. The others hadn't lost a child; the others weren't grieving as they were.

Angel knew his pain was nothing compared to hers. Conner had only been his for a moment compared to the years she'd had with Sebastían. Eight years to six months was a lifetime in difference, for her at least.

He'd made sure the others respected her privacy, left her alone, mostly for their safety. Phade tended to loose her temper easily and she ended up hurting the one pissing her off badly. As it was the others avoided her as much as possible, they feared her.

Sometimes he thought she liked to be feared, he'd even thought she had no control over herself until he noticed she wouldn't argue or fight in front of the boy. She went out of her way to keep any type of conflict from him. Now, he wasn't so sure she'd hold herself in check.

Without the boy to anchor her…

She needed time.

 _'What good is time when all it does is remind you of what you're missing?'_


End file.
